Emotionally Tired!

Sorry for typing so much unhappy posts but this is how I can get my feelings out.

Sometimes I don't understand what "天" has set for me. It always suddenly give me happy moments, then it takes it all away from me. Then it gives me a little surprise out of the blue and it takes it all away again. (not just with "that person" but everything!) I'm actually very tired of this. It's killing me emotionally! Ever since the beginning of January, I don't know how much tears I have had dropping down from my tiny eyes. I'm happy most of the time but deep down I'm not that happy. I don't like this at all, it's not me!

I was just feeling a bit better and everything is coming back. If it doesn't belong to me in the first place then don't give it to me! I don't like the feeling of what I like being taken away. When "天" takes everything away after the surprise, it's like going back to square one of letting go and to forget. Why does "天" have to torture me like this? Why did "天" let me see that person again? What is "天" trying to tell me? 

I told "天" a day before, if it rains then it means no, if it doesn't rain it means yes. When I left home it started to rain and when I'm about to leave work it's all sunny and nice. Thanks, I get it. It's a no and I guess that "bye" was the end to everything? No matter how much I don't want to, I guess I will have to live with it. If that's the answer "天" is giving me then please don't ever give me anymore surprises. I don't want to be disappointed over and over again. Please only give me surprises that will last forever. I was hoping to see but didn't get to see. That feeling of hoping for something and at the end nothing, it hurts. It really hurts... =( 

This year seems like a bad year... nothing seems to be right. It makes me very unhappy. =(

I want to leave this place for awhile. =( Don't know where to go though.

Is "天" unhappy too? So windy and dark. Let's be unhappy together.

Very random but I don't understand why that other student wants to come help all the time. He is probably the only one that stayed for so long. Does he like it that much? He doesn't even get paid. Before him, students just come and go. Weird.

Random moment, found this song randomly and thought the title was a question I have in mind. I obviously want to see again but why do I wanna see? Does someone even want to see me? If you didn't know, I only pick certain lyrics that I like or it describes how I feel. So it may not make sense.
陳柏宇 Jason Chan - 再見不再見
"或許這種際遇逃躲不過
就算傷口一點痛楚　愉快的亦得到太多
聽說這世界並沒永恆 對錯已不成疑問
只想去用我任性換來逼真　無後悔誤了光陰
和你道謝　和你道別　如告別後　難再會面
無法問候　唯有思念
留低再見　如不再遇見　
難免日後　難忘你的臉
當哭泣證實過相愛　哪有快樂純屬意外
如果過去　曾討你厭
從此與你　難再會面　何必再見"