Look Ahead and Move Forward

I'm feeling happier now (maybe that's why the sun is coming back out?), I think I have finally put things down after some deep thinking. I know we will never see again. If we do, the possibility is low. People say it's a small world but it's actually quite big out there. I don't really think anymore although certain things bring up memories.

Honestly, I just wanted to fall in love once and that's all I wanted (seem so hard), something that's memorable. "天" kind of did grant me that wish, so I'm thankful. Although, it ended before it begun, at least I know there was someone that cared and liked me. I honestly thought this could be it (it was like magic) but reality is cruel. Things always happen so unexpectedly when you least expect it. I actually felt like something was coming that's why I was so calm when it ended (I'm ok good at sensing things). I just didn't know I would be this sad afterwards. I guess I really like that person after all. That person will never know...

Sometimes I still wish time could go back. I really want to know what it would be like if we were together. I also wish I knew all the answers to my questions. How did things change so fast within one day? We were fine and the next thing, it ended. Or did things change long ago but I did not realize until the end? What would happen if I never brought up the topic on why I wasn't happy? Did that person think I was not considerate about his education and career? I was on vacation back then so I had too much time, not because I wasn't thinking about how important those are to him and that he was busy. Why did it happen at the wrong time and place? Can time go back to when nothing happened, before that very first message? Would it be different if I waited for a month, after I come back from vacation? I think it would but it's too late now. Time would never go back.

Oh well, it's time to look ahead and move forward, maybe things would change from now on. Be positive, things would only get better. After months of rainy days, the sun is back. Exactly how I feel. Thank you.

Oh! I always wanted to tell that person, when I posted "got it outta my mind faster than I thought =)" or something on fb, I wasn't trying to show how happy I was without that person. My niece just gave me 2 kisses on my cheek and held my hand which made me forget all the unhappy things that day. What that person did afterwards always made me think was it because that post so we can't be friends anymore? How I wish I could tell that person it didn't mean anything.

I just wanted to get all that outta me. I'm crazy blogging another post (can't stop), gonna post this and Zzzzzz. Nighty night.

Random moment, yup, the song name.
周柏豪 Pakho Chau - 百年不合
"再見 共你本來就分得 那樣遠
試問我如何決絕 當你想行前一寸
愛下去又發現你 站到一邊
和你分開一百年 捱過今生才遇見
拉扯著那根線 若切不斷
多等一百年 捱到開花才遇見
風景就算改變 別要改變人物地點
慶幸我們還友善 不算糾纏和欺騙
卻是證實這段愛 沒有起點
唯有分開一百年 捱過今生才遇見
拉扯著那根線 欲斷不斷 仍偷偷眷戀
即使今生擱淺 苦等隔世盛宴
但今生不再見"

Can't Sleep? Give This a Try

I am a thinker and I always think about this and that, not 24/7 though (maybe because I'm an Aquarius introvert?). Not that I want to but I have no choice. I wish I can shut my brain off too. When I'm trying to fall asleep that's when my brain starts its work. (not every night) I would toss and turn for I don't know how long, it's just super annoying! I'm sure everyone have been through that.

I found a way to stop myself from thinking when I'm trying to sleep. I'm not sure if it works for others but it does for me. When you close your eyes, just pretend there is a bright light. I think of that bright light as the "on off" button. I would "press it" and relax my body. Then I'll slowly fall asleep.

I just randomly came up with that idea one night when I couldn't fall asleep and I need to sleep. No, I came up with this idea way before what happened few months ago. I sleep well after what happened but last week I was having trouble falling asleep and I would suddenly wake up. I guess because I slept late during the Easter holiday. I was also sleeping with Honey on the long weekend so I'll wake up to check on her from time to time.

Well, give this a try next time. Let me know if it does work.

Random moment, when I heard the word "rockabye" so many times in this song, it sounds like a word to put someone to sleep. It means "used in lullabies or nursery rhymes to encourage a baby to sleep", I didn't know. There are a lot of words I don't know. =) I like this song. Maybe rockabye yourself to sleep. =D
Clean Bandit - Rockabye ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie
"So, rockabye baby, rockabye
I'm gonna rock you
Rockabye baby, don't you cry
Somebody's got you
Rockabye baby, rockabye
I'm gonna rock you
Rockabye baby, don't you cry
Rockabye, no
Rockabye-rocka-rocka-rocka-bye
Rockabye, yeah, oh, oh
Rockabye-rocka-rocka-rocka-bye"

Am I Too Honest?

Uh, I guess I'm a pretty honest person...? 

So, I purchased something online from this Korean beauty website in December. I know it takes about a month for the stuff to arrive, at least with my first purchase with them. This second package never came until yesterday. That took like...4 months to get here. I guess the package got lost? In January, when I was in Korea, I actually e-mail them about it and they said it should arrive in February. I e-mailed again in February and they decided to give me a refund.

Now that I received the package, I actually e-mailed them telling them I got the package. My brother and dad was like I wouldn't bother e-mailing them, there is no tracking on it and they refund you already. Well, I don't think they would charge me for it again, it was 4 months late. I remember on the last e-mail they asked me to keep in touch if I have any further information. I know most people would never bother but I'm not that type of person. I don't know, maybe I'm just stupid? I'm just that odd one out there...

It's hard for me to lie sometimes, especially in person, everything is written on my face...

Do you think what I did was stupid? Am I too honest? Is that good or bad? Aiya ya. Oh well, I don't regret telling them. What's done is done is. =)

Saw their reply this morning. Hmm...they are actually asking me to pay...well, I did received the products...whatever, still don't regret. I'm too nice.

My friend said I should take advantage sometimes. I do, not always, that's all. I guess I think of others too much sometimes... I have been told to be selfish sometimes by that person...

One time, the cashier gave me $2 back instead of $1, I was going to go back and my friend said no, just run. I'm like...ok? I work in retail so I know how they feel if they are missing money (panic). Like big companies probably wouldn't care but my part-time...they actually made me and this other coworker pay for the missing $5. I was like wtf? So cheap? "The richer the people the cheaper they are", very true. I have been working there for so long and never had money problems, obviously it was my coworker's fault. Every time I worked with her it's always short! Don't understand why horrible people always have a great life. Life is totally unfair!

Random moment, song from my favourite love drama. It has the word "honest" in there haha.
鄭嘉穎、周麗淇 - 請講
"是是非非真假　原來相當可怕
如甜夢全是哄騙話 真相被遺下
話若可分真假　情難修飾欺詐
柔情話誠實欠了吧　一切是廢話
請請你不要拖　請你不要拖
請你請你別拖
可講的也請你講　講到底也講
讓我不再絕望
真愛未看到"

Bee Bee Blu

Another outta the blue time, just too much thoughts on my mind. I hope I'm not making you people bored but this is "my boring stories". I was gonna post something else but I'll save it for tomorrow.

I'm so happy that they fixed the audio at work, now I can hear the music at my desk, like finally! I always have to turn it up so high because there weren't any music playing by my desk. I couldn't hear the songs I like. Now I can. =) I can dance too, joking. =D Kinda awkward at work.

Read another post and sounds like what happened to me, Read This If You’re Tired Of Waiting For Love . True, expect when you least expect it.
"He won’t be what or who you expect and he won’t come when you expect him to."
"And then someone fell in love with me when I wasn’t even looking. I was just being me."
"He came out of nowhere and I wasn’t looking for him at all."
"I stopped searching and I let the magic happen." - I never search, that's why I thought it was magic last time.
"Real love isn’t fancy dates and expensive gifts" - I never thought it was, that's how simple I am. =)

Anyways, I don't think I'll ever be able to find out the answer. It's just not meant for me to know I guess? The timing is never right... It was awhile ago already, don't think he remembers. I guess I will have to give up this time. If there is a chance and I remember then I'll ask, otherwise screw it *throw that question out the window*. Plus, there is really no point of finding out the answer anymore (right?). I'll just give myself an answer. If I do regret later, then let it be, there are always regrets in life anyways, right?

I guess my friend was right on why it's so hard for me to forget. That person is so mean! Obviously, no matter where you go you won't have any memories popping up but you know how much memories there are at my work place! Everything happened there. I have to be there 5 days a week! I don't think about it at work anymore (only when I came back from my vacation) but do you know how I feel!? And you know I'm not gonna change my job just because of that. You are so cruel!!! =( If that person ever finds this blog, I just want you to know why I didn't tell you what you wanted to know and made you wait till we see again after my vacation. I wanted to tell you the reason in person and see your expression. There were many things I wanted to tell/ask you in person... Didn't know this would happen... However, I guess waiting was good, at least I know what kind of person you really are... </3 I guess that's the reason why "tin" made me meet you but why?

I was so unhappy close to end of work, I decided to go shop. Uh, spent an ok amount on stuff...(don't really need that stuff...) Thanks for accompanying me and you know who you are. Stop being so nice to me! I feel bad. =( I honestly do! Did you see those tears falling down my face yesterday? Those were happy outta the blue eye sting tears lol. (One reason why I can't put eye make up on, it will melt pretty bad) Thanks for saying I'm truly a "c lai", because I am. =) My goal is to be someone's "c lai" someday, if there is such a day. I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me. <3 If there were more people like you in this world, this world would be a great place. The song name below is for you. =)

It's weird when I'm not cold but I sneeze outta the blue. Is it true that someone is talking/thinking about me? It always happens, or am I just "cold" inside? I'm always cold and put layers and layers on already. I always have like 3 layers of blankies on me when I sleep (not in the summer though). Yes, that's how cold I am...

By the way, it's the first time seeing my neighbour's son or someone when I left for work yesterday morning, he looks ok LOL! Too bad, don't know him and won't talk to him. From that one look, he reminds me of 陸浩明(6號)tall, skinny with glasses hehe. I hope we see again. =D

Parents bought egg tarts and mommy have been heating one up for me to eat as dinner for past 2 nights (I don't eat rice so I eat other food to replace it)! Egg tarts = memory...=( I'll eat them happily because I love eating.

Didn't exercise for 3 days due to personal reason, feels like something is missing and I'm getting fat. I have been coming home late for past few days so that's my excuse...I guess it's ok. I'll start again maybe next week.

I'm so excited! Gonna help a friend with photography this weekend. =) Please don't rain and I hope there are pretty trees around! It's gonna be a busy weekend, good thing I booked work off, seriously thinking if I should quit part-time. I need more time for myself, I'm tired of everything. Daddy always ask, "why work so much?", um...I don't know, nothing better to do yet? 


Random moment, to you my friend "心領", not the lyrics though haha.
鍾嘉欣 Linda Chung & 林峯 Raymond Lam - 心領
"或許戀愛都只有煙火那刻的摧燦 如此簡單 快樂不多於一晚
然後發現情或許轉淡 
越討好你 就換來傷心痛哭多一晚
怕熱愛已退減 誰願稀罕這愛情
其實清楚這過程
什麼戀愛的感覺始終有它的限期
受種種責備逼我放肆敷衍你 其實已盡全力喜歡你
多得你 從今天起 我亦不稀罕等你
Never meant to be cruel, Never meant to hurt you...
我知 無謂去纏住我 無謂再去打聽
無謂發現情或許轉淡"

Blu Blu Bee

Outta the blue time for a Monday, quite long.

So just when I decided to be brave and ask for an answer on Thursday, this student pops out! Student, you ruined my well planned plan! You are making me wait another week to ask! =( Maybe "天" doesn't want me to know the answer? Let it be a mystery forever? (I can't, I have to find out) If it's meant for me to know the answer, I will find out eventually. I will never give up!!! (You know I'm stubborn sometimes) For some reason I was actually really happy even though I didn't find an answer. Does that mean I'm forgetting about someone? Maybe because I was thinking about what my cousin asked me when I was in Korea? Now, I kind of don't care what the reason is anymore but I think it's better to find out, might regret later.

So the student above that ruined my plan, I heard manager and coworker talking that they thought he was annoying because he kept asking them questions. Manager said normally those students don't say anything. This student just kept asking how we get clients and about work. I thought he talks a lot too. At least when I was in the kitchen, he kept talking to the chef.

I'm not crying, just saying... If I was an actress, I'll be so good at crying scenes, so good that I think I'll get the best crying award. I tear super easily now... =( Sometimes, my eyes just tears by itself even if I'm not sad because I get this sting feeling and tears will drop. I think they are too dry? If anyone needs help filming crying scenes, find me. =)

I used to do reviews on free samples that I receive from companies but stopped for awhile. Going back to sampling reviews again. I'll only review if I get them. By the way, I do not get paid for doing product reviews. I just get the free products. I don't have to do reviews on my blog if I don't want to but I have too much time right now. Certain companies wanted me to post on different social media (FB, Insta, Pin, Twitter, etc.) but I didn't really like that. With this company, I just have to write review on their site, which I like. Those reviews will be up soon. I also don't get paid for the food reviews that I have been doing, so they are my honest opinions. If I did get paid, I'll still be honest.

Few days ago my boss and manager were talking about how Calgary renovated their showroom and it's all nice and stuff. She said how our showroom isn't like that. Boss said "don't be so material, we have each other", I thought that was funny, especially the way he said it. That line is so true but not for this situation haha. Material isn't everything, being happy together is everything. There are always ups and downs and all around in life but there will be times where it's all nice and calm. Enjoy the nice and calm moment while it lasts.

Coworkers keep stealing my stationary! Pens, sharpies, cutters and post-it are always missing. =( They never return them after using. Oh well, I'll just keep buying them (their fault). =) I like to wait until they go on sale. One coworker was like who cares, company money. I'm like thinking...I know but I'm like a "師奶". "C lai" likes to buy things when they are on sale or the best deal ever. I like to compare prices from different stores (grocery/food...). Sometimes I don't care about the price as long as I like it or want to try.

ARG! This lady! I called her weeks ago if she is coming to the demo at work and she said I have to ask my husband I'll call you back. She never called back! I called her again a day before the demo and she said the same thing. Like seriously! However she did get back this time but cancelled it. Like let me know sooner, there are tons of people waiting to come to these demos. 

I hate it when I'm opening and taking racks out of the store, people stand outside waiting to come in. Some just walks in before I'm done with the racks. Like can't you wait? Not like you are gonna buy anything anyways. Arg! Aww, this little boy kept making faces at me to get my attention. I think he just wanted to get outta the store haha. He should make those faces at his mom, not me.

I have been binge watching "Jane the Virgin" (on season 2). I think it's good, I'm not done but I think I know who she picked at the end and I like that choice (accidentally played the last episode hehe). Fate, only in series... I wanted to watch it before when it was on TV but never got a chance. The background talking (is there a word for that?) reminds me of "Pushing Daisies". I think it had that kinda talking too? Don't remember, that was so long ago (that's how long I haven't watch English TV series, time to be more white). I didn't even finish watching all of "Pushing Daisies". I remember she had the power to wake up the dead and make them die again or something? I wish I had that power. Quote from Jane series, "don't let the fear of falling keep you from flying".

Random moment, heard this awhile ago but never listened to it carefully. It popped up on the playlist at work and decided to check the lyrics, I like.
Lukas Graham - You're Not There
"I only got you in my stories
And you know I tell them right
I remember you and I, when I'm awake at night
I wish I could ask for just a bit more time
Is it fair?
You're not there
With me
Though I know that you're not there
I still write you all these songs (change songs to posts)
It's like you got the right to know what's going on
As I struggle to remember how you used to look and sound
Time can heal your wounds if you're strong and standing tall
I've been doing all of that, it didn't help at all" 

To That Person

A bit long again, you can read it on the weekend. =)

After what happened, I focus a lot on lyrics and lines for some reason. Before, I didn't care much about lyrics, I like a song based on how it sounds, kinda. Now I will listen to a song many times until I understand every lyric (Chinese only because I don't know what some mean, learning Chinese at the same time). I never pay so much attention to lines from dramas and movies either, it's weird... Also started reading articles/posts too. Maybe I just have too much time on my hands now? Not like I want to.

Just had a talk with a friend and I asked her did she think that person was a bad person when I first told her about him. She said no, not until what he did to me. However, in the beginning she knew if I ended up with him, it will be a difficult road. Honestly, I knew it would but I was willing to go through the hard times and be there for him but doesn't matter now. His loss. Maybe this is better for both of us?

The same friend sent me a post awhile ago on "Thought Catalog" (I've read a few before she sent it to me) and I started reading other posts on there too. Some of them are pretty good, they aren't long so it's a nice read. I thought this post was written just for me to that person, "To The Guy Who Let A Good One Go".

Uh, yes I did say "thank you" to that person when he shattered my heart. That thank you was from the heart, it didn't mean anything. I truly wanted to thank him for all the happy times. Some people might think I'm stupid for saying that but you don't always have to end things so horribly right? Can't be together doesn't mean you have to be enemies right? Or am I too nice?

"She’s one of the most loyal girls out there, with the biggest heart and you really lost a good opportunity to experience what true, unconditional love is like." Not sure if I have the biggest heart but yes, that person's loss, not mine. Saving it all for the next person that will stay forever. =)

"You leaving her also taught her what to look out for when she’s ready to get back out there again. Right now she doesn’t want to think about seeing someone else but eventually she will heal and that smile will start lighting up rooms again." Yes, I know what I need to look for next time and I'll be ready soon...

"she isn’t alone. She has friends that will go to the end of the line for her, who will bring her ice cream, movies, liquor or all of the above to make her feel happy again." Yes, thank you friends! You know I love you all for being there for me! <3

"The girl you let go is one of the greatest girls you are ever going to meet." I don't know if I am the greatest, let him find out himself.

"you could never get bored because she could go from girly girl, calm cool and collected to tailgating...and yell louder than half the guys in attendance." Um, ya I can be like that, maybe at home though lol. Trust me, I can be very different when I'm at home and in public. You just don't know me well enough to know that side of me, tehehehe.

"She should be cursing your name...She doesn’t hate you, in fact she still sticks up for you when we tell her she deserves better." Yes, I don't hate. And yes, when friends say bad things about that person I still say no, I don't think he is that kind of a person...

"She chooses to see the best in people even if they’ve hurt her, even someone like you who took the trust she so hesitantly gave to you and you tore it to shreds." Depends who, him, yes.

"However if you cared about her at all...I hope you miss her; I hope you see her out looking fantastic and it stings a little in your chest." Ya...I hope.

"I think you may be a little heartless...Except you continue to let her feel like she was the problem when clearly that is not the fact." I don't know, the way he acts afterwards make me feel like I did something wrong but I have no clue what I did wrong. He makes me feel bad. ><

"you gave her every excuse in the book and walked away. You know how she feels about you and you didn’t even take that into consideration because you sir are selfish. So know that the tears caused by you, the sad posts and sad songs she’s listening to are because her heart is in pieces and she’s trying to make sense of everything." Not every excuse, just one... One is enough to hurt deeply. Yes, selfish...yes, sad posts and songs.

"what they say is one man’s loss is another man’s treasure and that is exactly what she will be." I guess? I hope.

That's all, if you have time, you can read the rest on the link above. =)

More articles that I like.
You Have To Love An Introvert Differently, most of it are true. 

If You’re On The Fence About How You Feel About Her, Read This
Don’t Give Up On The Girl Who Would Never Give Up On You 
Admitting To Your Heartbreak Is The First Step To Stitching Your Heart Back Together

Random moment, I was taking the skytrain 2 Sundays ago and listening to a bunch of old songs on my phone. I kept repeating this for some reason.
我等你－謝天華、徐子珊
"聲音氣味 容我在身邊找到你
兩對手 牽着線 最艱難時辰共勉 便愛多一點
其實與你分離 完全為等再遇你 
挨過分開滋味 我們才懂珍惜再可一起
緣分縱有分離 回來吧 我等你
千種細膩 
萬分的好奇 
感覺像奇跡 這樣 美"

Life and Death Moment

You know when people have a life and death moment they think about someone important?

Well, few weeks ago I was close to dying, totally my fault and I hate myself for it. I drank a bit with friends and normally I don't drink when I go out and would never drink that much. I was feeling ok, not tipsy or anything and I drove after resting for maybe 1-2 hours?

I was pissed that the car infront was driving 40km, when I got to a 2 lane road I changed lane. I thought I saw a green light so I just speed across the intersection. Then after I crossed it I looked at my rear view mirror. Why are those cars not moving? Wasn't it a green light? Then I see cars from the other side pass by. I'm like HOLY "SHEET" did I ran a red light!? I have never ran a red light before! I could have died if cars were coming! WTF were you doing Cin!? AHHHHH!

At that moment I don't think I thought of anyone? I was just pissed at myself for doing that and wanna get away as fast as I can before those cars behind catch up and see me. Like how stupid can you be Cin? I just kinda woke myself up after that moment and totally focus on the road until I got home. Is it normal that I didn't think of anyone? I mean I love my family more than anything in this world. I didn't even think of "that person" but afterwards when I was driving I did want to tell him... thought about what he would have said. Too bad we don't talk anymore. Is that still considered as thinking of someone? I told my brother about the accident when I got home, he just said it's ok...

Anyways, lesson learned for sure! I will never drink that much again, no matter how much my friends are drinking, NEVER! I shouldn't drive after drinking! I know my limit but I guess I was too happy that night? I know I shouldn't make excuse, what I did was horrible! I'm sorry to the road users at that intersection at that time, I could have caused an accident and hurt innocent people, I'm truly sorry!

People out there, please don't drink and drive.

Random moment, I watched all the "A Time of Love", it's not bad. I picked this song because I like it and this story in the drama had a car crash moment as well. This MV gave me the idea and I decided to type the above. The song has nothing to do with car crash though.
鄭欣宜 Joyce Cheng﹣ 愛莫忘
"於生死之間　別怕孤單　慢慢能習慣
愛得心碎　花光眼淚　回望卻總覺孤單 如若果　相知相愛沒結果 寧願可　今天你未重遇過 
如人生　不捨的故事太多
明白你已來過　沒結果　曾感激你在旁 如若他　真心的愛未退減
誰又錯過時間
真心愛漫長夜晚
其實再錯愛亦會短暫
由上天　將一些註定上演
離別你再難過　或會可　轉身已放下"

Planning

Let's talk about something boring again.

If you know me I love planning ahead of time. I'm not a last minute person. I love to get things done asap and out of my way so I won't go crazy. People think I'm crazy because I plan weeks or months or years ahead but I like and enjoy it.

I used to plan gatherings with large group of friends. I will contact each and everyone personally but I lost interest because it's super hard to get everyone together. Especially when some people don't reply until last minute or never response. At one point I actually thought about being some kind of planner (a friend suggested). Another friend said don't, you will get so stressed and you have to handle bad situations. That made me change my mind. I never thought of those points but I never really wanted to be a planner anyways. I don't handle stress and bad situations well so no thank you.

I only like to plan for my own events. Sometimes I get unhappy if things don't go according to my plan. I remember for my Orlando trip, this Disney ride broke down, I was so unhappy because it ruined everything (I had my rides planned out...I know I'm crazy).

I actually started planning for my next trip before I left for HK in December. The trip won't be happening until maybe 2018 or later or never. It all depends on if my friends can join me. I don't wanna go by myself! I have already planned out a few of the days, where we may eat, ticket/admission prices, and what activities we will be doing. Unfortunately, that trip is not happening this year. =( Thinking if I should go back to HK again or save my vacation for 2018 and go back to HK for a month. Our controller was telling me the best time to go back is in December so I won't use up all my vacation days, pretty much the same days as last year. I don't really want to, it gives me memories... I'll see, I do wanna see my grandma and I do need a break again soon.

I also love to plan where to eat when I go out. I don't like picking a place last minute or just go into one on that day. I like to look at the menu before going to the restaurant, so I know what kind of food and the pricing are. I'm picky with food so I need to know if they serve food that I will like.

Yes, I have also planned out my future if I'm a loner forever. =) 

Random moment, thought the title of the song matches my line above lol. Hopefully not but it's always good to be prepared.

鄭俊弘 Fred - 一個人的永恆

"回頭望　望著你眉心　便明白這個世界太動人

默契又平穩　是你能安撫我內心

幾多年人生　命中的一個能完全貼近 你偏似　萬有的牽引　在你眼中明白永恆

終於可放心　不需要太多才合襯

兩個人邂逅　就像美麗白雲

只要和你　不黑暗

每日太多變化　更令我知道愛就別遺憾 留住你　就別再管　未來的厄困

幾多年人生　又找到幾個能完全貼近"

Should I?

There is something I really want to find the reason to but then at the same time does it really matter now? So what if I find out the answer? The answer may make me go even more crazy. But if I don't find out, I'll go crazy too! I'm so lost, I don't know what I should do. I'm always thinking about it and I'm not focusing as well as I should be, which is not good.

My friend said I should find out but I don't know how. I know it's better to find out an answer instead of all the why's and what's.

I'm sure my manager would help me but I don't know how to ask her... I was like should I ask or should I not all day long. I don't know why I can never open up myself and talk about non work related stuff unless if she asks about it. I'm 100% sure my manager doesn't care if I talk about it with her but I don't know. I'll see if I can do it, if not then just...don't find out. I actually don't even know if anyone knows the answer to it but if I don't try I won't know. 

This is annoying! Why did you have to do this to me? Is this what you want? See me sad and go crazy? =( If so, it worked. 

Random moment, I liked the drama and this song.
最美麗的第七天 - Kevin Cheng
"在這天這一分鐘遇你
下一秒 未準備
越過空間差一些運氣 
下意識的心想碰到你 
離別終捉到珍惜道理
心中一生的美是曾遇你
花一生的福氣為重遇你"

Just for You Lady

I originally planned to put this on "Bee Blu Bee Blu" post but it was taking up too much space. That lady should be happy that I made a post just to rant about her lol. =D

We always have training at work for dealers, installers, or designers etc. to learn about our products. I meet tons of new people all the time, there are some people that I dislike right when I meet them. Just based on the way they talk and act. So, this lady, when I first saw her I thought she looked like an ok person. Then when she asked for a decaf coffee my thoughts about her completely changed.

It's not because she asked me to make her a decaf but the way she talked... I don't drink coffee so I hardly use our own brand coffee machine so I don't remember how to use it. Plus we just changed out the old model to the new one which I have not touched yet. Normally people just ask for regular coffee and I just have to press one button. This lady asked for a decaf, I had to put the pre-ground decaf into this hole and change some settings before the machine makes the decaf.

So I was trying to play around with the machine and totally didn't see the "pre-ground" line when I was pressing the right button the whole time. She went to ask one of my co-worker for help. Then the machine said the ground tray needs to be emptied. She was like "what?" I said "it's full". Then after that the machine said add decaf into the machine. She said "What? But we did and it said only 1 spoon", I said "did it already make one with it?". She said "sorry, I didn't understand a thing you just said." Ok, I'm not good at talking or wording so when I talk it may sound weird but the way she said that makes me feel like she think she is so good and all that. At this point I was getting a bit ABCDEF you! Obviously, I still had my "nice mask" on. Then she said "this machine is so complex", in my mind, "you are complex! You want a decaf? Where do you think you are? At a café?". Then she said "it's ok, we don't have time, just leave it.", she had to go back to training... I'm just like ok......... (people these days...give up so easily..............)

What a waste of my time! I guess the machine hated her as well. She just seem like she was thinking "wow, she (me) doesn't know anything". That lady seems so impatient that I wanted to slap her in the face and say "Look lady! Be patient! Stop being cranky because you can't get your freaking decaf! It's your fault not the machine's fault." I wonder how long she will last as a sales with her attitude...  

Feel so much better. =)

No song for this post, she doesn't deserve one lol. =P

Bee Blu Bee Blu

It's my out of the blue time. Finally get a 3 day weekend, I always get 1 day weekend only, at most 2. The post is a bit long but you have the whole weekend to read it all. =D

Last week, we had installers come in to do some change out for us and my manger had to go out for a bit. She said "there are enough guys in there, pick a cute one, I'll be back." LOL, gotta love her. I did check some of the guys out but I don't like any and most of them smoke so no thanks. I'm just not in the mood yet to find someone.

Few days ago, I wanted to tell my manager how I felt when I didn't see "that person" come last week but I can never say it. Then suddenly she asked, "how is it with that person?" She always seems to know what I want to talk about when I have something on my mind (usually about that person). Maybe it shows on my face? I told her about my feelings and she told me about something. Something that no-one knows the answer to, except that person. Even manager said there got to be a reason why that person asked to come the other day. But show up and don't talk is just strange (I agree). 

She told me the students that get to come help out is like a "privilege", I was like??? Seriously? I don't find it a privilege... Maybe a privilege to meet me, joking! I guess a privilege to learn more than what they learn in school? She said the chef normally ask students to come, the good ones, always in class and doing good. I'm not too sure... oh well, "let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be".

I just had a question in mind right now, was that person not afraid of me telling people at work about what happened between us and they would think he is a jerk? (that's because some of them know he likes me) Well, I guess that person knows I'm not that type of person that would spread and say bad things? (Look at my next post when it's up, I do say bad things about people but no-one will know who they are, that's all) I thought he was brave to show up again, must be very awkward for that person... thumbs up to you Mr. but thumb down for not saying a word. BOOooo!

On Wednesday, I was still hoping to see but that person didn't show up. I wasn't as disappointed as last week, I guess because I never expected that person to show up anymore. If that person does show up, we aren't gonna talk anyways... I don't think that person is ready to talk and I respect that, I won't talk until that person is ready. I guess I finally woke up and realize this is reality? I have stopped what I have been doing for 5 days now, it's not as hard as I thought. It's like I'm taking drugs and trying to stop myself (I do not do drugs, just describing), or stopping a bad habit. I actually told myself just think of it as if that person has a girlfriend now, you are not on that person's mind anymore, doesn't care about you, forget about it!

Anyways, I'm finally catching up with my game, need to farm money to buy more Tsum Tsum. It takes so long! I've also been exercising for my run in May, my muscles are so sore, especially my bum. >< For charity, it's all worth it. I just hope I'll be ok during the run. Please be sunny that day with some wind!

I decided to stop posting on Instagram everyday after my 100th post yesterday. I think people are probably getting annoyed of me, time to disappear for awhile. I'm actually kind of tired of all these social media. I hardly use Facebook now, all I see are people getting engaged, married and happy life, I don't give a "sheet". I only post on Twitter when I want to express my current feelings without anyone knowing. I installed Snapchat and thought there is nothing to do on there so I uninstalled it. I will continue blogging because it helps me get everything outta my mind (sorry for all the sad posts). As long as I have ideas I will continue. Went from everyday to weekdays only, now I have so many drafts and I have no clue when to post them. When I run outta ideas then I'll post every other day.

Don't you realize people only post happy stuff on social media (most)? I guess people only want others to know how good their life is but not the bad stuff? Plus if you post bad stuff, people won't like it. People are just looking for "likes". Am I correct? I think every social media that I'm on, I have some kind of sad thing on there.

Been watching "The No No Girl" drama, yes, lines.
"If I marry just any man, I would have married long ago" (*claps* I know right, don't just pick anyone, pick the right one.)
"When you torture someone, you are torturing yourself at the same time. Love is self sacrifice, not looking for anything in return. When you love someone, you truly hope they are happy. During this process you enjoy it, willing to give, forgive, and accept. It's happiness from the heart." (True, I didn't say anything to hang on because I wanted that person to be happy. People say if you like someone you don't have to be with them, just let them go.)
Aw, epi 4, when she talked about her story. "my heart still has someone, if he is always in my heart then I won't learn to love someone. How can I forget this person? I must forget this person. That's not the saddest thing, saddest thing is he forgot me." =(

Random moment, I was gonna put "Let it be" but I changed my mind. I like this song and the drama. They were in my favourite love drama and I thought they looked good together, too bad. I like Jack the dog, so cute!

抱著空氣 - Kevin Cheng & Niki Chow

"談情時 太美妙 但是已經告別了痛愛每天困擾 是沒法可預料

愛上你 太奧妙 為甚要開這玩笑

曾快樂 曾相戀

如今一一記起
如果心 仍不死 容許我 掛念你

而可惜 沒法擺脫別離

說再見 那暗示

但是我想你知 事實我很在意"

Crab Park Chowdery Review

A friend that lives in Vancouver wanted to hang out so I was looking online for a restaurant and I found Crab Park Chowdery. I only pick Vancouver restaurants when I hang out with this friend. I hardly go to Vancouver now since I don't have a Upass anymore. This place opened not long ago, it said online. I saw pictures and thought it looked cool so went to try. It's located in Gastown, a block past the "clock". When we got there, there were only 2 tables with people. I think the place is somewhat hidden? It's not on the big street so people (tourists) probably can't see it? After a bit, a lot of people started coming in. It's a pretty small restaurant. I like their decor, I love anything that is wood looking.

Their soup, there are three different sizes that you can choose from, the other 2 sizes are served in cups. So I ordered the smokey tomatoe bread bowl ($11) and my friend ordered the New England chowder or something? I should have gotten a chowder since those are the popular ones but I love tomatoes. Their tomatoe soup was good, I thought it had a little kick in it which I like. The soup was a bit on a thick side and the taste reminds me of pasta sauce. When I finished the soup, there were still a bit on the bread bowl so there is soup taste without dipping the bread into anything. I didn't try my friend's so I'm not sure what it taste like but she said it was good. The portion isn't big but it's pretty filling. It's a bit pricey but it's Gastown so everything will be pricey (tourist area).

The service was good too, when I ordered the tomatoe soup she notified me that they add some cheese on the side of the bread bowl and if that is ok. I actually don't eat cheese but I said it's fine. I couldn't even find the cheese until the end, it's near the bottom of the bread bowl. Also, I was going to get some water after we put down our soups but the waitress/cashier actually poured some for us and brought them over.

If I ever go to Gastown again, I would come again and try their chowder next time.

Smokey Tomatoe

New England Chowder

Romance of Seven Days

I started watching this drama called "Romance of Seven Days" after watching the commercial on TV. I thought it reminded me of when I was in Korea and HK so decided to watch it. Some of the places they went to were places I went to on my vacation, happy memories popping back out.

It's sad how her friend and boyfriend cheated on her, I hope I won't meet those kind of people in my life. It's also interesting how 2 deeply hurt strangers can meet and fall in love together, fate, only in drama.

When they were crying on the bus, it reminds me of myself tearing pretty much the whole flight from HK back to Canada... I just couldn't stop thinking and tearing. =(

One thing I don't understand, they like each other but why don't they stay together? Why did they wait till they bump into each other again??? Just to see if they are really fated to be together??? Strange.

I'm like her, I used to take pictures of anything at anytime, capture the moment.

Wow, what a short drama, 5 episodes only. I liked it.

Me and my lines. =)
"What should I do? I don't want you to go but I know you will leave."       Awwwwwww! =(
"Out of those 1000 days, I never liked anyone else but I think he forgot about me long ago."
"When my heart hurts, thinking of you makes it stronger. If I fall in love again, I wish that person is you." (person that mend your heart when you are hurt)
"Nothing is forever, that pain will eventually disappear."
"We are from two different world, you are sitting beside me but it feels like we are very distant."
"Will seven days of memory last longer than 1000 days of memory in my heart?"
"The possibility of meeting again is like winning the lottery, super low"
"Thank you for showing up infront of me again"
"Why did I meet you? Can I really love you?"
"She doesn't smile because her heart is lonely. Can't be with the person she likes, so she can't smile"
"If they have fate to be together, they will meet again someday"
"No matter how short of a time, for a fated love, it's enough."
"Treat it like it's the last day and treasure it."

Random moment,
林奕匡 Phil Lam - 難得一遇
"萬萬對情侶 避不過巨輪
天要擋我 帶著你開新路
如天註定我們 走到盡頭
如何會放得低你 要認命 太荒謬
尤其遇見你 之後
相愛令我忘憂
從而為你分憂
窮一生之力 憑一句諾言
必須挽著手
終生不渝 天塌下來
只須挽著手"

I've Decided

So over the weekend I suddenly decided it's time to stop whatever I'm doing that is making myself unhappy. It's been months since what happened but I feel like I'm just "stepping around inside the circle", it's time to take a step outside of that circle. I don't want to but then what good do I get from it if I'm like this forever? Was the reaction and expression from "that person" not enough to prove that it's time to let it all go? 

I guess that "bye" that I said last time was the end to everything? I never wanted to say that word, not even when it ended. That's because I didn't want it to end. It's time to face reality Cin! 

If anything does happen later on, I'll let it be. I guess everything in life is set, if it happens, let it happen. If I do see that person again, I will still greet and smile. He is being mean doesn't mean I have to be mean back. Maybe I did do something that he dislike and he didn't tell me the truth about it? Only he will know, I'll never know. Life is always a mystery.

I know I said it numerous times (actually I don't think I have ever said I'll stop?) but I just can't forget someone just be a snap of my fingers. I wish it was that simple so I don't have to go through this pain. It will be a long and hard process but I will try my best. I'm sure you people have been through it and understand what I'm going through. I'll still talk about that person but just won't do what I have been doing that makes myself crazy. I want to thanks my friends that have been supporting me, giving me love, and making sure that I'm ok. Without you all I think I would have been 10000000000x more miserable. I love you all! <3

Random moment, I remember watching this Japanese drama call "1 Litre of Tears" N years ago. It's a sad drama about a girl that got sick and stuff. If I remember correctly, her friends and the guy that likes her left her when she got ill (horrible people!). Good thing this other guy stayed by her side (so sweet). Cantonese version of the Japanese song, Jason look so young lol!
陳柏宇 Jason Chan - 固執
"懷念有多壞 自己不想了解

以後我 太掛念你 彷如負債

可揀過 都想再遇見你

無窮盡苦楚

捱過痛過太多

擔心我 的好友 別勸我

盲目有多壞 後果不想去猜

我恨我 惦記著你 反而愉快

可惜你 總不會 認領我"

Soft Peaks Review

If you didn't know, I love ice cream. I have been trying different ice cream places recently. I have always wanted to try Soft Peaks but never got a chance. I tried to look for something like that in HK and Korea but I couldn't find it. I know they have it somewhere. Finally got to try it, it's located in Gastown. That side of Gastown isn't that busy to me but there were still quite a few people that came in. I like the decor on the cashier side, it reminds me of honeycomb, simple and nice. The staff there were very nice.

I ordered the Blue Mountain ($6.50, I love purple stuff) and my friend got the Salty Himalayan. There are two different sizes to choose from, around $1 difference. Honestly, there were so much flavours to choose from. I want to try all of them. I wanted to try the Honeycomb or the Sunrise in California too.  You can DIY one yourself too. I thought their ice cream isn't sweet at all, it had a strong milk taste to me (I don't like milk). It may be a good idea to stir the syrup from the bottom because it's super sweet at the bottom. I think they should just put more of that syrup on the top instead since it's pretty hard to stir when all the ice cream are on top.

They also have milkshakes and popsicles but I came here for the soft serve ice cream. I'm gonna say the price is ok because every ice cream place I have tried recently is around this price or more. Not sure why ice cream is so expensive nowadays but ok. I guess it's a luxury item now?

I wanted to wash my hands because it was so sticky. Their washroom door is so hard, make sure you push and pull really hard to open it. Overall, not bad, will come again to try other flavours when I come to Gastown.

Salty Himalayan

Blue Mountain

Emotionally Tired!

Sorry for typing so much unhappy posts but this is how I can get my feelings out.

Sometimes I don't understand what "天" has set for me. It always suddenly give me happy moments, then it takes it all away from me. Then it gives me a little surprise out of the blue and it takes it all away again. (not just with "that person" but everything!) I'm actually very tired of this. It's killing me emotionally! Ever since the beginning of January, I don't know how much tears I have had dropping down from my tiny eyes. I'm happy most of the time but deep down I'm not that happy. I don't like this at all, it's not me!

I was just feeling a bit better and everything is coming back. If it doesn't belong to me in the first place then don't give it to me! I don't like the feeling of what I like being taken away. When "天" takes everything away after the surprise, it's like going back to square one of letting go and to forget. Why does "天" have to torture me like this? Why did "天" let me see that person again? What is "天" trying to tell me? 

I told "天" a day before, if it rains then it means no, if it doesn't rain it means yes. When I left home it started to rain and when I'm about to leave work it's all sunny and nice. Thanks, I get it. It's a no and I guess that "bye" was the end to everything? No matter how much I don't want to, I guess I will have to live with it. If that's the answer "天" is giving me then please don't ever give me anymore surprises. I don't want to be disappointed over and over again. Please only give me surprises that will last forever. I was hoping to see but didn't get to see. That feeling of hoping for something and at the end nothing, it hurts. It really hurts... =( 

This year seems like a bad year... nothing seems to be right. It makes me very unhappy. =(

I want to leave this place for awhile. =( Don't know where to go though.

Is "天" unhappy too? So windy and dark. Let's be unhappy together.

Very random but I don't understand why that other student wants to come help all the time. He is probably the only one that stayed for so long. Does he like it that much? He doesn't even get paid. Before him, students just come and go. Weird.

Random moment, found this song randomly and thought the title was a question I have in mind. I obviously want to see again but why do I wanna see? Does someone even want to see me? If you didn't know, I only pick certain lyrics that I like or it describes how I feel. So it may not make sense.
陳柏宇 Jason Chan - 再見不再見
"或許這種際遇逃躲不過
就算傷口一點痛楚　愉快的亦得到太多
聽說這世界並沒永恆 對錯已不成疑問
只想去用我任性換來逼真　無後悔誤了光陰
和你道謝　和你道別　如告別後　難再會面
無法問候　唯有思念
留低再見　如不再遇見　
難免日後　難忘你的臉
當哭泣證實過相愛　哪有快樂純屬意外
如果過去　曾討你厭
從此與你　難再會面　何必再見"

Go Back in Time

As I get older I face more and more different types of situations. During those situations I wish I could go back in time. I wish I can be a little kid again. I wish I can be back to HK with all my grandparents. A time when I don't have to care about anything except have fun and be loved. I don't have to worry about this and that. I don't have to think about my future. However, the reality is I'll never get to go back in time.

I watched a movie "13 Going to 30", how I wish I can wake up from my sleep one day and I'm a 6 years old girl again. A wish that is impossible. There was a part where the mother said "I've made many mistakes in life but I don't regret it. If it wasn't those mistakes, I wouldn't have learned to make things better". I agree with that, if it wasn't all those mistakes, I wouldn't be who I am now. Mistakes make you learn, change, grow, and become stronger.

I still want to go back in time. Especially to December 19th, 2016 before I sent that message out. Maybe everything would have been different and I won't be this sad?

Random moment, how can I not watch "Beauty and the Beast". Watched it 2 weeks or so ago, I liked it. I really like this song, keep repeating it at work and home.
Céline Dion - How Does A Moment Last Forever
"How can a story never die?
It is love we must hold onto
Never easy, but we try
Love lives on inside our hearts and always will
Minutes turn to hours, days to years and gone
Maybe some moments weren’t so perfect
Maybe some memories not so sweet
But we have to know some bad times
Or our lives are incomplete
Just when we feel all hope is gone
We’ll hear our song and know once more
Our love lives on
Love is beauty, love is pure
Love pays no mind to desolation"

I also like this, this one is better than the new one.
Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson - Beauty And The Beast
"Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before 
Ever just as sure as the sun will rise"

Blu Blu Blu Blu

Just a bunch of out of the blue thoughts.

Sometimes I wonder if mommy can read my mind. When I feel like eating a certain dish of food, she will make it that night. I didn't even tell her I wanted to eat it. Last Friday, I said to myself I want to eat peanut butter and jam sandwich instead of peanut butter and nutella for breakfast. When I saw my sandwich at work I'm like it's pb+j, I also did not tell her I wanted to eat that. <3

On Sunday, my favourite auntie from this kiosk asked "why are you always not working on Sundays? Are you dating someone?". Auntie, I want to say yes but I'm not! I could have been but NO! I did not say that to her, I just said no. I know everyone wants me to find someone...I will someday...let it be.

This horoscope is pretty scary. "You may get a case of serious wanderlust and travel to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins. You may want to learn another language, study abroad, write a book or start a blog." Hawaii is on my list this year but just not sure if it's really happening... and I did start blogging again. >< "The Aries new moon on March 27 could bring a new beginning with an old love." I don't know about the new beginning part but I did see "that person" on that day... if it happens, let it happen. "2017 is a year to open yourself up extravagantly and generously to new experiences, ideas, people and places." Yes, I'm opening up myself, trying new things all the time and sharing with others.

One of our dealer's husband came to pick something up. I asked for his driver's license and he said no with a pause. I'm like... is he trying to give me a hard time? Usually the guys won't do that to me, they would to the warehouse guy though (I hear stories). Then he said "I drive safe". I'm like haha (scared me there). He asked if I own one of those products. I'm thinking uh, I don't have that much money to spend on those. Maybe some day but I don't think so. I rather spend it on something else. He looks pretty serious but he actually jokes a lot and pretty nice. Don't judge someone by their looks.

I like guys on motorcycles, look so cool. I always take a look when I see one. Just saw a guy outside on one when I looked up. White motorcycles with a white helmet, wearing a black, white, red outfit. Looked like prince charming on a "white horse" LOL! Sorry, I watch too much fairy tale. =D

We had these installers come in to help change out some units. The guy seems very nice, polite and friendly. When he left he asked if I made that lunch for them. Nope, I don't cook, only cook for special people haha!

Some lines from the drama "Provocateur", "When faced with hard times, it may be rough. We walk the roads out ourselves, if no road ahead then create one. There will always be a way to solve it." (I guess?)

G - "From now on, you can tell me everything. You are not alone, you can share everything with me. I'll always be by your side." 
B - "Right now you are the most important person. I'll protect you forever." (It's like the stuff we kinda said to each other...)

Random moment, FRED!
鄭俊弘 Fred - 你走的那個晚上
"我記得 伴著你追趕心中的理想
幸福的小說 最後一章 偏要有哀傷
還是要生活 和養傷
在你走的那個晚上 我的心窗開始關上
臉上無痛癢 內心經已重傷
自你走的那個晚上 我再不想不想歌唱
站著無去向 拿得起怎放低 這一筆壞帳
回憶心底結霜 呼吸都凍傷
從此喜歡幻想 思憶中遇上"