I feel like a big part of it had to do with "that person". If it wasn't him I wouldn't be like this. I think I will turn it into hate now. I don't want to but maybe it would be better for me? Maybe I do hate him deeply and need to let that anger out? I did type something last week, post it someday. I don't want to see him ever again in my life! I hope he feels bad for what he did to me forever! I hope he'll never forget me and regret, gonna haunt him in his dreams for the rest of his life! Like they always say in drama, 人生將會遇到二三個壞人, not sure if those words are right.
After that I feel like I've become super emotional, fragile in a way and kind of lost trust in people. I hate how people promise something but do another or never do it. I feel like I built a wall as high as a mountain. I don't think anyone knows how I really feel. Should I go see a counsellor too?
Is there such thing as friends forever? I don't know. I hope there is. Did they change or did I change? Maybe because everyone has someone so I'm just left alone? It's true, when they have someone they don't need friends... One after another. They don't talk to me as much and it makes me want to distant myself from them. They don't need to talk to me anyways. Sometimes I feel like they don't even care about the stuff I say, it's like I'm talking to myself or something. If so, might as well just type it all out since I won't get a response either way. That's why it just makes me want to keep everything to myself. Maybe that's why I feel like something super heavy in me? I feel like if I don't ask them out they won't ask me out at all. If I don't talk to them they won't talk to me... I guess it just means I'm not very important. When I say that, I'm not kidding, I'm serious. I guess we are all older now and busy with our own lives? I guess I should learn to do/deal things on my own now. It's just a part of life that we have to face.
I want to meet new friends but don't know how when all I do is work and stay home. Everyone else is always out and about... Why can't there be more creative learning type of classes in Canada? They have tons of those in HK. I want to volunteer but most require interview, I don't like interviews.
Can I get my happiness back? Tearing at work again, oh well, they will just think I have allergies. I feel a bit better after typing. Maybe do some crazy shopping after work. Gonna eat ice cream when I get home to make myself feel even better. I hate this! Life sucks!
Random moment, I don't know what song but I really like this, kinda old, heard it during work.
P!nk - Just Give Me A Reason ft. Nate Ruess
"Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
And we can learn to love again"
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