Expect the Unexpected

I was supposed to post up another post but something happened unexpectedly. Not something happy and not something unhappy. I don't know how to describe the feeling...

We had a training yesterday night and I didn't even know the chef was coming to help since manager got some food prepared already. I was typing something on my computer and the corner of my eye saw something moving so I looked up. I see "that person". At first, I actually don't recognize him, I'm like who is that? Is that him? I was like am I dreaming? What is he doing here? Then I realized oh, chef is here to help tonight. I saw him look towards my way from outside a few times, he looked like he doesn't wanna see me or he didn't even want to come. When he came in I said hi to the chef, thinking he would say hi but he didn't, so I didn't say anything either. I made a WTF face though, wonder if he saw? He makes me feel like I did something wrong when he was the one that did everything! What did I do? Why do you have to ignore me?

I felt a bit awkward and I was shaky. All these questions started popping up in my mind. I was thinking what is he doing here? Why would he come? What should I do? I thought he wouldn't waste a minute here since he doesn't like me anymore. If he is here why he wouldn't even greet me? If you really didn't want to come you didn't have to, the chef won't force you. He just seemed so different and so cold! Felt like we don't know each other...as if nothing happened between us before... =( I do miss the days when he would come to the front to talk to me. I was happy back then.

I decided to go to the kitchen to do "things". I'm sure there is a reason why this is happening to me and I want to find out myself. Sitting around won't do anything. The whole time I was there, we didn't say a word to each other. I don't even think he looked at me once in the eye. When I pass by him, he didn't even look or smile... I didn't feel awkward after awhile, just normal. He didn't have that "don't want to see you" look on him in the kitchen though. Maybe because my boss and coworkers are there so he can't put that on. That face is just for me to see...

I think I would have said something to him if no-one was around but there were always people around! When I was gonna leave, I decided to go say bye, I said bye to the chef then I said bye to him. He didn't even say a freaking word! He just looked at me and looked down. I said bye because I told him I'll always think of him as a friend, I don't lie, I do what I say, and I did. He disappointed me again. </3 Did I like the wrong person? I was tearing when I got into my car and teared on my drive back home.

Honestly, I didn't want to leave work, I wanted to see him (but I don't think he wanna see me from his expressions, then why did he come?). I wanted to talk to him (but I couldn't). I was actually happy to see him yet don't know what to do. Why is this happening out of the blue? I was thinking the whole time, will this be the last time seeing him? He may be mean to me right now but I still want to see him. I know I'm stupid, I know! I don't want this to be the last time but I know it's not up to me to decide. If this is the last time then I guess that's it... this is for both of us to see how we feel about each other one last time? I'll never know how he feels. At least I know how mean he can be when he doesn't like someone anymore. =( The feeling is definitely different but I still want to be friends if that is even possible.

I guess my horoscope was right, something unexpected will happen but it's not April yet... Last week, I actually asked a friend what she would do if she bumps into the guys she used to date or had feelings for. Would she turn and walk away? She said she would talk to the guys. I asked myself that question too, I said ya, I'll talk but...imagination and reality is completely different. Say is easier than actually doing. Interesting how it actually happened to me this week. Oh well, I'm proud of myself for what I did, at least I was not being rude, I did say something. I also did not avoid him and try to be around as much as I can. He was the one that made it so awkward. I hope we'll see again, hopefully not as awkward. Let it be, I'll go with whatever that is set for me.

I didn't even have to watch a sad movie to clean my eyes, teared all the way through this post. I'm happy, thank "you". =)

Random moment, I think the song title (lost) matches my feeling. What does this all mean? "天" are you trying to tell me something? 
鄭俊弘 Fred - 迷
"人前扮作冷靜 困擾的思緒沒法安寧
夢太好 愛太深 何必急切清醒
自私的想法
當天遇上的一刻 時間定格 沒法能遺忘的對白
沒法可解釋充滿荒謬 命運是一個詛咒
當天放手的一刻 矛盾自責 沒法能同行的對立"