However, after he said that I thought of something else. I thought about a future partner, if I'll ever find one. I honestly don't know what life has for me next. I'm afraid if anything I'll become someone's burden. I don't want to be. I know I'm healthy right now but I don't know. I guess this past health issue is a also good way to see who is worth my everything or not.
It would be nice to find someone who would walk down the hard path with me but I'm not lucky. And will there really be a guy who would do that? I think most guys would run away after they find out that side of my story. And I know that just all mean he isn't worth it. Is there a guy out there that is worth it? I wish he would come find me without me searching for him. I'm tired.
I'm emotionally tired. I don't know why but my crying almost everyday is happening again. All these sh*t happening in life. I think I have the right to say LIFE SUCKS! But I will never give up on life because I'm not selfish. I would not make my family sad and worry about me. That's why I suck up everything and pretend I'm ok infront of them but really I'm not. All I can do is face everything happily with a smile. No-one will understand me.
I guess things will never be the same... I don't hope for anything anymore, I don't want to be hurt again. I was quite lost when the flirting started, it felt like back to before. It was fun but I don't think it's the right thing to do if we are just friends. I know some guy and girl friends can flirt but I just feel like it's not the right time? That's why I decided to ask what is it that he really wants. I didn't feel anything when he gave me an answer, maybe it's fading? Or because I wasn't expecting anything anymore?
I like it when he sends me stuff although I'm not the only one that receives them... I just don't understand why he sends me stuff but don't reply to my questions, that was one thing I didn't like about him before. I find that quite rude! If he doesn't want to start a conversation then why is he sending me stuff? If he wants to ignore me, don't make it so obvious! At least don't go online or any other social media. How would he feel if he was me? He probably wouldn't feel anything. Does he even know how I feel?
Can friends not tell each other about stuff? What kind of stuff does he talk with his friends??? Does he not reply them too? Is this just how he is? I'll never know because he hardly replies to my questions anyways. If he doesn't reply then there is no point of me trying to keep a conversation going and asking questions like a stupid girl. I want to but I know when to stop. This girl full of questions will stop asking questions because she is so hurt by that kind of action. If he wants he can ask me questions...yea, like he will... I'll do the same thing back to him so he knows how I felt.
I feel like he is playing games with me, is that what friends do? If he doesn't want to be friends, just say so. Once again very disappointed in this friend. Take my kindness for granted.
Oh well, maybe it's better this way? Time, give it some time. I'm sure we can be good friends, maybe not now. I honestly think we can.
Let's see what life has for me next.
I saw a quote that said something like first time is a warning, second time is a lesson, anything more is just taking advantage.
Out of the blu, I heard the lyrics in the car and thought not bad. I really like the bracket part.
吳業坤 Kwan Gor - 凱旋門
"於低潮遇見
只怕隨著了浪跌墮 如今太清楚
誰能引領我 更徹底的歌
誰遊遍世界 痛苦找答案
那答案 誰誰誰 誰都似我
高塔雲下那淚與樂 人生也很多
誰尋遍世界 更珍惜有過
誰明了暢快 哪會缺少些不好過
《聽著誰 看著誰 抱著誰 放下誰
怨著誰 愛著誰 接受誰 厭倦誰
決定誰 送別誰 接著誰 偶遇誰
最後誰 掛念誰 我是誰》
不怕前面對著那路 不夠康莊"
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