I Was Not Happy

I've read from places and heard from people that you shouldn't show your unhappiness on social media, especially if the guy can see it, you need to show him how happy you are. Well, if you know me, I'm different from other girls. I show every single expression on my face and my blog, it is a place for me to express my feelings. Isn't it better to let it out instead of keeping all that inside? Why do I have to do what other people do? I am who I am. Like me or hate me.

I'm a human, I have feelings, I'm not heartless, I wish I was. So what if he sees my unhappiness? I'm just showing my true feelings. I'm not a fake person. I'm not like other girls that fake their feelings and pretend they are so happy when really they aren't. He can be happy and proud about this if he wants. Not like he gives a ball about it anymore and I doubt he reads my stories. If he isn't heartless I want him to feel bad for hurting someone like me! I want him to know he was wrong. I'm just saying what's on my mind and how my heart feels. Nothing wrong with that right?

Yes, I was unhappy. I was unhappy ever since we stopped talking (I do have happy days). At first I honestly hated him and wanted to just block him and delete everything (I didn't, I normally don't unless if I really hate them) and curse him like there was no tomorrow (not really). But after a day I realized I was just disappointed. I thought he would be different and worth it.

Once again another guy that gave me a bunch of false hopes, things that he once said he wants to do together and places that he once said he wants to take me. Once again someone who made all these dates ahead of time. Once again someone that said how he wants to be there or how it would be nice if I was there. Once again someone that sweet talks. Once again someone that talks a little bit about the future. Once again someone who seemed crazy about me in the beginning. Once again someone who just gives up on things without trying. Once again...too good to be true...

Why? Was everything a lie from the start? Or was it all true? Can he tell me? 

I'll be honest and I'm not gonna lie. I did miss him. I did wash my face with tears from time to time. Yes, everyone said I shouldn't miss him after what he has done but it's not like I want to. It's a feeling from the heart. I honestly thought it could work... And if you know me, you should know how emotional I am.

People probably think I'm stupid for missing him. I am. I am stupid. I'm so stupid that he said he honestly don't remember the stuff we talked about... And those other 2 messages that followed after that one... And I was still missing him... I'm so stupid that I hoped he would have done something to make it work again but he didn't. I'm so stupid that I still didn't know where I stand in his life after those messages = I'm not important at all. I'm so stupid for not walking away long ago when I knew something was up. I'm so stupid for being too "easy" going! I'm so stupid that I poured my heart out but he threw it away like trash. I'm so stupid for typing this up. I'm so stupid that I don't know how much more stupid I can be. 

How important was I to him before and after it turned bad? Was I really nothing to him? Is he unhappy like me or super happy, going out and partying? Does he even miss me a bit or he forgot me long ago? Did he delete all our conversation like how he deleted them from his brain already? I wish I knew all the answers to my questions but I won't know. Only he knows.

Oh well, it's time to put this to an end. I'm sure he has moved on long ago. I won't say that line with the word starting with F ending in S, 7 letters. If we are both mature I'm sure we can be. I know I am, I don't know about him. Let it be.

I may be the stupidest person to type this up and show all my feelings but whatever. I have nothing to lose and I have nothing to hide. I'm as true as I can be.

"天" will lead me to the right one if this isn't the one, right? Someone that will pick up all my broken pieces and put them all back together like a puzzle. I'm patient, I'll wait...

Typed 4/25. I wasn't gonna post this because there is no need anymore. No-one needs to know about this anymore. I've decided to move on although I'm still really sick and tired. Supposed to post "Relieved" but bestie said I only get Friday to post my feelings right now. And I guess there is no point of typing if I'm not gonna post it. "Relieved" will be on next Friday.

Sounds like me except talking to some. Stupid Cinnabun.

Out of the blu, yes, I think that title suit me. I like Chilam.
張智霖 ChiLam Cheung - 妳太善良
"妳等他悔改　倒不過妳鬆手放開 
有一種固執　得不到喝彩
總擔任偉大角色　獻奉全部愛
寧願悉心灌溉　沒結果的錯愛  
理想歸理想　得不到也等於妄想
原諒又原諒　他可有拍掌
諸多忍讓沒有獎　也沒誰人賣帳
難道妳夠情長　某某亦會同樣
他不配做對象　可惜妳太善良
偏妳沒法睜開眼看真相
馴服就似綿羊　相戀太善良　大多打敗仗
受騙的那個比騙徒更混帳  
良善太過平凡
妳這樣情長
他不將妳放心上 (yea..)　即使再善良　未得到景仰
這句才算真相"