Cute?

In my life, I have lots of people use the word "cute" to describe me. I have friends, brother's friends, random strangers at the skytrain station, and "that person" calling me cute. I honestly don't know why. It's not a bad thing but I've always wanted to know what makes them think I'm cute.

I decided to ask a few friends. One friend said because I'm everyone's pistachio (in chinese it means happy person or someone that brings joy to people) in the group. I'm cute sometimes towards certain things and people. I also make people laugh because of the stuff I say. Yes, I always have a smile on my face but am I really happy inside? Most of the time. =)  LOL, certain things? Like a chair hahahaha!? Well, I can't be cute towards everyone, my cuteness is only for important people. *wink wink* I like to make people happy and I'm glad I can make you laugh with the stuff I say. You make me laugh too. I know I can be silly sometimes hehe.

Second friend said it's my personality, the way I talk and present myself and my looks. Third friend said I'm the cute type (looks), the way I dress up, and when I talk. Fourth friend said the face and character. When they said face and look, I feel like it has to do with my expression. I know I make all kinds of expressions depending on the situation. At work, when coworkers explain to me how to do something, they always ask if I understand because I always have that very confused look on me haha! I was born this way. =) Honestly, I never knew people thought my look was cute. I always thought I was that little ugly duckling that no-one wants. Now I know I'm actually the swan. =)

Thank you all! This is probably the only happy post I have ever typed. Makes me happy finding out why. I learned a lot about myself.  I'll keep being the cute me and never change. <3 =)

Random moment, when I saw the name of the song, I knew I'll love it. Susan, it has the guy you like in it.
譚嘉儀 Kayee - 最後也分開

"可惜甜蜜總會變酸
曾說過將來

忘掉這將來

成了傷害

最後也分開
多好的憶記亦要刪改

狠心放下了當初

來懷念誰多真心的 虛假的 都想你記清楚
你決意不再拖
放棄只因你心裏怯懦

可否改寫結果

學會好好領略這成長一課"

Declutter

The other day my manager was telling me that we need to get rip of 5 things a day to declutter ourselves. At first I was like huh? Then she was saying we need to get rid of stuff at work. If we don't use something for awhile either put it somewhere else, give it to someone, or throw it away. She said she will be doing that at home too. First she will get rid of her husband but she is keeping her dog, so funny! Well, I'm gonna keep every single one of my family members including Honey, not getting rid of any because I love them more than anything. <3

I took yesterday off so I did some catching up at home. Caught up on some dramas, shows, cleaning and others. I was decluttering as well. Threw away quite a lot of stuff that I haven't touched for so long. I threw away some skincare that has been sitting on my table for awhile, it expired too... Such a waste of money. Finally decided to cut up this box and throw it away for good. Put away some stuff that were just lying around on counters and tables. My room looks better but I don't think my room will ever look empty... I have so much stuff in my room, all colourful stuff too... My closest is filling up because I put a few things in. I guess I need to stop buying. How much stuff do I really need? How much stuff do I really use? I need to rethink every time I buy something from now on.

I got rid of my diary too. I finally finished writing what I needed to write. It took awhile not because I have lots to write but I was busy with life and just left it hanging. I have shorten everything and wrote as quick as I can. I just wanted to get rid of that diary asap. I guess that is because if I get rid of the diary it means I'm getting rid of those memories as well? I have sealed up that diary and put it away. I won't be looking at it until I don't know when. I do hope all those happy and sad memories will stay in that diary forever. I don't know how much tears I had while writing in that... Not sure how many litres of tears I had for the past 2 months(almost).

Random moment, used to be his little fan, his old songs are good, some of my favourites.
Raymond Lam - Love with no regrets 愛不疚
"放手, 放開所有(let go, let go of everything), 彼此更自由"　"多捨不得仍然 是放手"  "我的牽掛 找不到盡頭" 

林峰-直到你不找我
"疑慮很大 直到愛不清楚"   "心算太慢 但仍然算錯, 找對人 偏錯過"   "直到終於不喜歡我" 
"直到終於不想找我"

Raymond Lam - 換個方式愛你 Change to another way of loving you 

林峯 RAYMOND LAM 我們很好 we are fine
The Mando version is good too.
"明明幸福驚天動地 差什麼"  "才令你發覺不再快樂"  "陪著你一起 但有著距離"  "如距我千里 偏偏記起"   "拿到了一切 只得痛悲"  "拿到了一切 竟想放棄"

Rain or Shine Review

Went to Rain or Shine for ice cream after lunch. We were gonna go to another well known ice cream place but they don't open till 2ish pm. When we got inside it was empty but after a bit lots of people came in. There were quite a few choices on the menu, some sounds very interesting. I had 2 samples, one of them was their seasonal flings, coconut milk chocolate curry. I didn't like it, seems a bit weird for an ice cream (that curry taste) but very creative. My friend sampled the honey lavender, it was soso. The lavender taste was very strong so it wasn't too good. I never really like lavender (the actual plant), I find the smell kind of weird, hard to describe.

After sampling I decided to get the blueberry balsamic (my 2nd sample) and their seasonal flings chocolate peanut butter pretzel. I picked blueberry balsamic because I love purple and I like how it had a sweet and sourish taste to it. I thought it was good and I've never had ice cream with a sour taste before. Chocolate peanut butter pretzel had everything that I like. It tasted good but the pretzel was very soft. I thought it would be crunchy like normal pretzel. That was the only thing I was disappointed in.

My friend said their waffle cone was soft too and their ice cream isn't as good as that other brand. The other brand's ice cream texture is harder and their waffle cone is crunchier. I have never been to the other ice cream place so I can't comment on the difference.

I would go back again to try other flavours, especially their seasonal flings. However, they are a bit far from home so I'll go if I ever pass by. =)

Super tired, gonna go Zzzzz.

Left is london fog, right is blueberry balsamic and chocolate peanut butter pretzel.

Green Leaf Sushi Review

I took Sunday off so decided to go pig out. Went to eat at Green Leaf Sushi in Kitsilano. We had to wait outside in the cold because we were too early. They open at 11:30am and we were the first ones there. It's a tiny restaurant and a lot of people came in after we were seated. The service was good, they welcomed us out loud in Japanese. They refilled our tea all the time (not like some places).

Amy said they are famous for their Aburi sushi (rectangular pressed sushi). We ordered the Aburi set, not sure what the name was. The set came with 6 different types of Aburi sushi. I'm not 100% sure what each roll was because I couldn't hear the waitress when she was telling us about it. I believe you have to eat it from the scallop side (least flavour) to the spicy blackish white side (most flavour). Not sure if the waitress told us but I ate it that way.

It was pretty yummy. Each one had a different taste (obviously). My favourite was the basil because it tasted like pasta sauce or pizza. I guess that's because of the basil taste and I love basil. Some of them were spicy but it wasn't that spicy to me. It depends how much you can tolerate it.

The set was almost $70 between 4 people. It's reasonable I guess because there is another high end restaurant that sell the same type of sushi at a higher price. Overall, I think Green Leaf Sushi is really good and the layout of their sushi is really pretty. One thing they should make changes to... the washroom, they should have another washroom. I had to wait in line and there were people behind me as well. =)

From top to bottom, hotate (scallop), basil, salmon, aburi tobiko, not sure the last 2.

Thank you for coming out for lunch. =)

Patience

So random, my coworker just passed by my desk and said "Cindy, it will be a good day!". Yes, it will. =) Another coworker from head office said I always do a good job and very helpful and thanked me. They are very interesting sometimes haha! Makes me happy. =)

Coworker's wife has been coming here for the past 2 days. It's like dating while working. I wish I can do that too. Well, I could have... I always find love stories very interesting especially when 2 people can't be together at first and end up together later on (coworker's story). There are always different reasons why 2 people can't be together and one reason why they are together again in every love story. It's because they like each other (I'm hoping that's why). Life is a mystery, just don't know what will happen next.

Patience is very important, at least to me. In my opinion, people with little patience are "3 minutes" and give up easily.

I'm a very patient person but as I age I'm becoming a bit impatient (mainly when I'm driving). A lot of the activities/hobbies I do involve lots of patience. Such as baking, sometimes I have to try many times before I get the best result. I have to do lots of trial and errors, add a bit of this and that. I also have to wait for it to bake in the oven and wait for it to cool down (but I really wanna try it right away). If I fail I won't give up easily, just try again next time until it's perfect.

Another thing that requires lots of patience, arts and crafts. I love making little crafts. I started out with origami in elementary, then I started knitting, sewing, card and stuffy making in high school. Didn't do much after high school because life got too busy and I got a little lazy (eyes move left, right then center). Oh, I did cake decorating in university. I still want to take more courses but don't want to learn by myself. =( All of the above can take me hours, days, or months to complete. I don't think it takes me a year to make something? I am still working on my wool doll, haven't been stabbing it for awhile. I will continue once I'm all caught up with my dramas, shows, games, and everything else at home. =)

One more thing that needs lots of patience, listening. At work I have to listen to the phone all the time. Some people just talk non stop and don't get to the point. All I can do is sit there and listen. I'm totally fine with that unless if I'm not in a good mood. At my Sunday job, there are customers that don't know or can't speak fluently in English so I take my time to understand them. I actually appreciate the ones that actually try to speak and not just walk off. I'm here to help but you are not trying, your choice, I'll respect your decision.

It's a busy world out there, I guess not a lot of people have the patience nowadays... I'm just the awkward patient, shy introvert.

Random moment, one of my favourite song but that's not how I feel (song name).
連詩雅 Shiga - I'm still loving you
"We talked about love and hope. Wishing we could start a life our own" "Why did you tear my heart apart" "All those painful things you've put me through" "I don't deserve the things you do".

Baking

Not sure when I started falling in love with baking. I think it was back in university? I just started making this and that, it was fun. I like to bake because it's simple, just stick it into the oven when I'm done putting everything together. It helps me de-stress myself (crazy university days), makes me happy and I enjoy that peace and quiet. I wanted to cook but I'm afraid of fire and oil. I have cooked before and I think it tastes good. If my brother eats it then it should be good LOL!

I'm a perfectionist in some way so when I bake or do my arts and craft it has to be good and meet my standards. I won't let people try my food if I don't think it's good. I have high expectations for myself in a good way. =)

The reason why I love my job is because I get to bake. I like it when coworkers love my baking. Always praise me on how good it is. They always say I should make them everyday. =) I wish but I'm quite busy at work nowadays. =( Today, one of the guy said he likes it when I bake. Makes me happy. =) I actually stopped baking for awhile. I felt lazy and didn't want people to think I have nothing to do when I actually have work to do. I started again because I don't feel lazy anymore after what happened recently.

I will never bake when I'm unhappy because I feel like my unhappiness will affect the result. I remember the first few days after my vacation I was asked to make cranberry bundt cake for trainings. Not just one but two... I was not in the mood, still unhappy about something. I had no choice but to make it. I guess I could have said no, I think my manager will understand? I didn't say anything though. I hope the cakes tasted ok.

My manager made a nickname for me (everyone at work has different nicknames for me), accountant baker. She said I'm so precise when I bake. I'm not that precise, sometimes I just eyeball the amount or put in whatever amount I want. I always adjust the recipes to what I think is the best. Like today... I added more sugar to my scones than the recipe. That's because the strawberries weren't as sweet as I thought. Can't stick to the recipe sometimes, need to make changes.

Random moment, found out something, actually felt a heart ache. =(
林峰 - 愛在記憶中找你
"如果可以恨你　全力痛恨你" "無非想放下你" "我們亦有一些距離" "快樂也許太短　似場流星雨"

The dough, a bit sticky.

Made it into a heart shape, couldn't find other cookie cutters at work, just <3.

It has a softer inside than the other scones I've tried but I like it.

Introverted? Shy? Just Don't Want to Talk

First of all, I did not know it's anti bullying day today so I did not wear pink (boss asked why I'm not wearing pink). If I knew I would have wore it (not my favourite colour). Does pinkish lipstick and blush count lol?

Ever since the first demo of the year, I realized the hand wash dishes aren't as dirty as before. The chef is doing a better job this year but I still rewash them just incase. Some baking sheets still have oil on them. ><

Growing up, I have always been a very quiet person (sometimes). I am usually more quiet with a big group of people or with people I'm not familiar with. I wonder if it has anything to do with what happened in elementary school back in Hong Kong... To me, HK education is a bit strict. I remember I was in grade one, the teacher made us think of a sentence by using "又" (again). I couldn't think of anything so she made me stand up in class until I could think of something. Yes, that's how crazy my memory is and that's how deep that was for me. =( I'm the type of person that can't think on the spot and I won't open my mouth to say a word if I am not willing to. I think I stood for awhile but I remember I came up with a sentence. Something like "someone and someone something (verb) again" LOL! Don't remember the exact words.

I'm not too sure if I'm shy or introverted. To me both words have different meanings just like what I read from Introvertspring. I think I used to be shy but not so much now. I think my shyness went away when I was in university. I studied in accounting and business admin so lots of presentations. I think for the first few years I was nervous to present infront of the class. I felt weird and everyone was looking at me. I guess back then I wasn't as confident? During my last year or so, I was not afraid of presenting anymore and I remember my script pretty well. I practiced for hours saying the same thing over and over again like a robot. I was even praised by this guest (I think some CEO from somewhere, forgot) who was listening to my presentation. He said my presentation was business level. Made me very happy. That's how much confidence I had. =) I'm not afraid to talk to people, at least I don't think I am. I talk to strangers all the time at work. I just don't want to talk sometimes.

I guess I'm more of an introvert after reading that site above. I meet a few of the characteristics listed (I don't think I'm THAT introverted?). "Most introverts hate talking on the phone", if you know me, you might find this weird because I have to talk on the phone all day at work. To be honest, I actually don't like talking on the phone with strangers (I want to hang up asap). Picking up and talking is ok but I hate calling people. I don't know why, just do. I guess because I don't know what to say to them sometimes and I can't get the right words out and mess up. I think I prefer talking face to face more because I can actually see that person's reactions. Whereas, over the phone I can't tell what they are like. Are they serious? Are they really happy? Are they mad?

This brings us to the next trait, "We have a tendency to overthink ". Yes, I like to think, I told that person that too. That's just my personality. Sometimes when I see people's reaction to what I said I like to think did I say something wrong? Should I have worded it differentlty? Were they unhappy with what I said? I also like to think when I have nothing to do, like when I'm trying to fall asleep (that's why I have so much greys lol). I hate thinking but it's not like I can stop it. Well, I can, I have my own ways...

Last but not least, "Introverts tend to write better than we speak ", yes yes yes. I always think that I'm not good at talking that's why I don't talk much. Don't want to say something I don't mean to say. Plus, I can't think fast so it's hard to come up with an answer or the right words right away. When it comes to writing, it's easier for me because I can just type it all out with no worries. It gives me a bit of time to think and make changes. I'm not the best in writing, as you can see (don't care about grammar lol). Sometimes I talk more through messaging than in person but it depends who it is and how close I am with that person. It takes time.

People at work probably think I'm socially awkward because I have been working there for almost 2 years and I hardly talk to them. They are nice people but I can't really open up myself to them. One reason is maybe because they are all WAY older than me. The youngest one is 10 years older. Second reason is 98% of them are guys. I have nothing to say to them. The guys would normally try to start a conversation with me which is good but I still don't know what to say... All I do is smile. =)

I'm not an introvert with my close friends I think? I did ask them if I talk a lot. They said yes and that is because I know them for MANY years. I'm super comfortable with them, I can pretty much tell them anything.

Anyways, I don't think being an introvert is a bad thing. Some people may actually like it because they get annoyed from people that talks a lot (I don't want to be hated). I enjoy being an introvert, just mind my own business. Sometimes I like my alone time. I get to do things that I enjoy doing without anyone else bothering me. It gives me that peace and quiet that I don't always get. I find it quite relaxing, especially at work, I like it when almost all of them are out of the office. How I wish it happens everyday at work. =) Oh, by the way, I'm very good at keeping secrets because I don't talk LOL!

Random moment, the first day when I got back to work after my trip, this song was the first song that played on the Youtube playlist. Just when I'm tying to get "stuff" outta my mind, it pops right back out... I'm fine now. =)
Charlie Puth - We Don't Talk Anymore feat. Selena Gomez 

720 Sweets Review

I was super excited to try because of all the cool pictures online but I'm quite disappointed at "720 Sweets". When we were looking at the menu, the girl told us they ran out of vanilla ice cream, we were fine with that. After we paid, they tell us they ran out of nitrogen. Uh...isn't that your main thing with these ice cream???

When one of my friend got her milk tea flavoured ice cream, she realized it was missing the waffle stick. She actually went up to ask them for it. Aren't they supposed to know what toppings are on each ice cream really well? Then they tell us the strawberry ice cream will take a bit. We waited... The lady came back telling us that the strawberry ice cream machine is broken and they are trying to fix it. We continued to wait... The lady came back asking if we want to pick something else because they can't fix it. I knew she would say that since everything that we wanted, they don't have... We picked something else and waited again. It took almost an hour for us to get 3 ice creams... Like REALLY?

The ice cream itself is ok, nothing too special. Especially when 2 out of 3 ice cream were completely different from what we wanted... Therefore, we can't really comment on it. However, my friends said the matcha ice cream is a bit on the bitter side and the milk tea was too sweet. My cereal milk was fine, it had a bit of cereal taste. There is also a big hole in the middle of the ice cream. The ice cream looks big but it's not THAT big. There are 2 cups, the small cup holds the ice cream and toppings. In between the small and big cups is where the nitrogen goes.

That wasn't a very good first impression of "720 Sweets". I hope they can do some improvements such as stocking up a bit more on supplies? The broken machine, can't really blame them I guess? Maybe do some regular maintenance on the machines?

If it wasn't all that, I think it's a great place to chill with friends and have some dessert/drinks. I think I will still go back to try other stuff but don't think I'll order the ice cream anymore. I'll just take pictures of my friends if they order the ice cream.

Stressed?

I thought I'm not stressed but maybe this is stress? I'm not sure. Ever since what happened and coming back to work, I have been very busy. I have been going out as much as I can. As for work, it's keeping me pretty busy. There are stuff for me to do everyday. There is also that Sunday job of mine that is draining me out...

I don't think I'm happy (I'm happy most of the time). I feel tired and don't know what I want. Maybe I'm super tired today? Maybe that's why it's showing on my face again. =( I think I need a break. I'm tired of working but if I don't work I don't have income. =(

That person at work is pissing me off again by telling me to do this and that. CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING YOURSELF? Maybe that's why I feel super unhappy? Can he just leave this job? I don't like him! I don't want to see him!

I can't wait till tonight so I can go pig out and release my stress! Maybe I'll eat some chocolates now, maybe it will make me happy?

Money Money Money

I do not understand people sometimes. When I ask if they want to leave a voicemail, they always leave the message with me. Voicemail means I'll transfer you to their mailbox where you leave a "voicemail". Message means I'll write it down and tell them about it. At least that's my meaning of voicemail and messages.

Anyways, I was talking to a friend (no name) yesterday night about her financial issue. I find it harder and harder to sustain a living nowadays. Everything is getting more and more expensive. Yet, the wage isn't increasing much. I do not have financial issues, at least not yet. I'm glad I live with my parents so I don't have to worry too much. If I was living on my own I think I would have issues as well. Probably living on the streets now. I don't know if my pay from both jobs would pay off for everything. Well, it will but I won't be saving much of it. Time to find a rich guy! Joking. I'm not that materialistic. If I was, I wouldn't even like that person. Oh well, like Amy said "everything happens for a reason".

It makes me sad listening to my friend's story. I know I can't help much but I'll always be here to listen to you rant. =) If I ask you to go eat, I don't mind treating you. I know you won't let me though because you hardy let me. =( Let us spoil you sometimes! Yes, I'm stubborn because I care about you. That's what friends are for. =)

Close friends know that I won't lend money to anyone. It's not because I'm cold hearted or I'm not being nice. It's because I have lost trust in lending money to people and never getting that money back. I still remember when I was in high school, this friend (not close) asked me for as much as I can give her. I gave her $20, I know you might think it's only $20, I'm so cheap. Uh...well, I was in high school back then. I didn't even work yet. $20 is a lot to me. Even if I was working, $20 is still hard earned money. I guess I'm just too nice and stupid. I trusted her and she said she will pay me back and few months later...she moved to another province. What a BEEP, I wish she has bad luck for the rest of her life!

Random moment, I like the lyrics. Old song but old songs are always the best. =)
"現實縱使傷感　破碎公主的心" "王子從來未遇到灰姑娘" 
Sammi Cheng 鄭秀文 - 玻璃鞋

Pain Will Subside

Let me rant about my morning first! I love motorcycles, I have always wanted to learn but never did. This morning there was an electric motorcycle infront of me driving 40km! Driving slow on a motorcycle is NOT cool! (doesn't matter if it's electric!) You are driving a motorcycle not a bicycle! If you can't drive fast (at least 50km) on the road, maybe consider staying off the road? You may cause accidents. I realized a lot of people these days drive 40km. I'm not sure why but ok... No clue who gave them a license to even drive...

Next, I thought side walk sale was over last week but when I got to the mall I still see stores with tables outside. When I got to work, I see this paper that says it's extended until today! I was so ARG! Why!? I hate side walk sale so much, I don't know why, just do.

Anyways, I hardly wear heels because I think I'm ok tall and don't need them. I decided to wear heels and look pretty at work today. Nothing wrong with that right? I thought I get to sit a lot today since it's always quiet at the mall. Uh...NO! People kept coming in and staying super long. The longest..I think I stood there for an hour. I find heels so painful! My feet hurt so much to the point where I don't even feel the pain anymore. Sounds weird right? I know. I guess pain do subside after awhile. Just have to get used to it. It's like having feelings for someone but you have to forget/let go. That feeling will eventually fade. Yes, mine kinda disappeared and it's giving me lots of ideas to write. =)

Random moment, I was listening to 蘇永康 William So - 那誰 feat. 卓韻芝
"放膽去愛係好犀利,放膽去愛是學唔嚟架,唔係人人得架,而你竟然識啊" something like...love bravely is amazing, not everyone can learn to love bravely, you actually know how.
When I told Vivi the story, I remembered she said "I'm a brave girl. Not everyone has the courage to explore the unknown". Hey, I never know until I try. I'm proud of myself. =)
I also like "When you type "How to forget" on search engines, the first thing that pops up is "how to forget someone"." "When you enter how to f.o.r.g the line "how to forgive yourself" pops up." Try it yourself. =)

Talking about brave. I like this song and the movies. =)
Can't believe she was pregnant when she had the concert. Thumb up! 
楊千嬅 - 勇 Miriam Yeung - Brave

Protected?

I used to work as an accountant at an air freight company. It was probably the second worse job I have ever worked for. The company and the people were great. I could pretty much befriend everyone there, they were nice and easy to talk to. I was always looking forward to working after the weekend (which was strange). However, my manager was horrible! She was ok in the beginning but she wanted me to work faster and faster...

I always get praised at every one of my jobs for my hard work. At this job, I felt like no matter what I did, she did not appreciate. I didn't get any praise from her...all I got was "you have to work faster". I wouldn't say I'm super fast at doing everything but I know I'm the type of person that would finish all my work asap when it's given to me. That is because I know I'll get my free time when I'm done (no free time at this job whatsoever). It was one of the most stressful job I ever had. So stressed that it started showing on my face. I had crazy break outs that I had once during university (it lasted for awhile...). It was one of my shortest job too, didn't even last 3 months. My longest job is 9 years and on going (current part-time, so loyal).

In the beginning, that manager asked if I had any siblings. I said "yes, a brother". She asked if he was older. I said "yes, how do you know?". She replied "because you look like and give me the feeling that you need to be protected. You are like a greenhouse plant or those extinct animals". I'm not sure if that is good or not but I'll take that as a complement. At least I don't look evil or mean. =) I never had anyone describe me that way. I guess I need to be protected, too much mean people out there. =( I for sure need to be protected away from managers like her.

I'm actually very thankful that I had that job. If it wasn't that horrible job I wouldn't find a better one that I have now. A job where I can work and do my hobby at the same time (baking). I get lots of praise too. =D

Out of the Blue Thoughts

I wasn't going to update but so much out of the blue thoughts in my head.

This waste management man came to offer something. He asked for my name and he said he finds people with the name Cindy to be very kind. His previous manager's name was Cindy and she was super nice. Thanks, it made me happy. =) He started talking about himself...that's...nice to know... Awkward...

The chef just dropped by, his car looks pretty cool. Sometimes I don't understand why people want to pick up their paycheques right away. I understand they want the money but don't they have savings that they can use? I guess putting money into the bank right away means more money because of the interest? Time is money I guess? At my other job, I don't pick up my pay until the next time I work. I would not go there just to pick it up.

I hardly eat snacks infront of my coworkers. One guy caught me eating chocolate haha! He said "caught ya!" Made me smile. =) I can't help it, I'm hungry! I guess I didn't eat enough for lunch. =( I don't get hungry as much as I did when I was in HK and Korea. I'm eating so much now, gonna turn into a fat pig soon. *Oink oink*. =) OMG, coworker came back with McD. Smells so good!!! I want some!

Coworker's son is helping out at work today. He passed by infront of my desk like a million times. Makes me dizzy. That's the only way to get around this office. Well, there is another way but I guess it takes longer.

Seeing coworker's son makes me think of that person. The first couple of times when I saw that person, I thought he was younger than me. So I was not interested in that person when he was showing interest. The only thing I was thinking about was..."sorry, I don't like little kids". (He looked young and still a student, can't blame me) I only started having interest after that person told me his age. Totally changed everything! I guess that's why I thought I didn't like him as much as he liked me? Oh well. =)

I was reading some news and I saw this.
http://www.msn.com/en-ca/lifestyle/parenting/dad-shows-sons-right-way-to-treat-women-by-giving-ex-a-lovely-gift/ar-AAmYBrD?li=AAggFp5&ocid=mailsignout
"Billy Flynn wants men everywhere to know that despite the circumstance, treating women right is important - no matter what." "He did it all to set an example for his kids: women should be respected."

Who will you marry?
Too bad, my GM is married. He is really good looking though hehe. =) Maybe I'll find another GM at another company?

Goodbye

Out of the blue thoughts before main part. ABCDEFG! Why do people drive like slugs? Like step on the gas pedal! Not in a very good mood this morning.

I can't wait till September! Gonna leave this place for good, I hope it's happening. =) I'm gonna have so much fun there! BYE!

A courier guy delivered something. He asked for my name and said "thank you Cindy", his soft tone of voice made me feel weird. >< I have never seen him before, it's usually this other man.

To that person (if you ever find this), I'm guessing what you did is to help me forget but it will take some time since I have an ok good memory that you probably did not know about. I can't just forget someone that fast. (I'm not like you) I know it's a point of no return and I never thought of liking you that way again. So don't worry, you didn't have to do all that to me.

"仍然感激你 贈我這一個故事." Thank you for giving me this story. =)

If it wasn't you I wouldn't know how much people cared about me, especially my brother. I didn't know he would react right away to that FB update thingy and I didn't even tell him a thing about us. I didn't know he would wanna beat you up after finding out what you did to me. I didn't know he would worry about me and check up on me once in a little while. I love my brother! <3

You made me realize my friends are very important to me as well. (I wanted to be friends with you because I don't like the feeling of losing a friend. My friends were right, I don't need you as a friend but I wanted to... Next time if you don't wanna be friends with someone just say no straight up. Don't say "ya we can be friends" and next thing, you do all that to me!) Without my close friends (yes Susan, you are one of them. I feel like you are waiting for me to name you on my blog lol) I don't know how I can handle this. I didn't know they would be there for me when I was super down. I know there is nothing much they can do to help but being next to me and listening to me is enough. <3 They didn't want me to hurt myself even more by thinking of you and ever messaging you again. I know I should have listened to them but I'm somewhat stubborn about these stuff. I like to do what my heart tells me to do. Thank you friends for supporting me although none of you wanted me to do that to myself. I won't learn/know if you don't let me try. =)

Because of you, I learned to love myself more. Enjoy my life as much as I can with my loved ones and friends. Started doing things that I used to like doing. One last thing I always wanted to say to you...it's your loss, not mine. =)

BTW, I'm not mad at you. I was never mad at you, except that day when I accidentally messaged and what you did afterwards. I'll still smile and talk to you if I ever see you again, don't think I'll recognize you though. 

Sorry to Disappoint You Grandma!

Came to work this morning and the front door was locked. I don't have a key to work because work didn't give me one and I didn't want one. I don't want that responsibility for all these expensive products. Had to walk all the way to the back of the building (warehouse door) and get my co-worker to let me in...

I know I talk very quietly, I was born this way... Sometimes people can't hear me over the phone at work. Not even in person LOL! I feel like when I raise my voice, it's like I'm yelling at them... >< I had this person call one time and he couldn't hear me so I talked louder. He said ok, you don't have to get mad! I was NOT mad! AHHHH! People are so ARG!

HAHA! Just got a call from this guy. So funny. He asked why we don't sell the products. I told him we are just the distributors. He said "why can't one just fall off the truck?" LOL. Made me laugh.

Anyways, when I was in HK I actually told my grandma about that person. Grandma's memory isn't too good anymore so I thought she wouldn't remember if I do tell her about that person. I thought it was the right timing to tell her (guess not...). She was telling me all these things (not going into details). =) I guess she was happy for me. However, few days later I made her disappointed. =( I told grandma it's not happening anymore... She paused and didn't say anything. (I'm sorry grandma!) Then she started to comfort me, telling me it's ok and other stuff. That's all I need from her, nothing more. I just lean near her lap like a little girl. I had few drops of tear but I didn't cry. I didn't want her to get worry (I think she was though >< I'm sorry grandma!).

When I came back to Van, I called grandma and I can't believe what she said. =) She surprised me, she asked how are you and your boyfriend? She actually said that last word in English... I didn't know grandma knows English lol! I can't believe she still remember that person. I know grandma's memory isn't that bad to the point she will forget that fast but still. I guess she only remembered the good part and not the bad part of my story...

You are the best grandma ever! Thank you for being there for me when I needed that love. Thank you for always caring and worrying about me. I love you as much as grandpa did. <3

Don't worry grandma, I won't disappoint you next time! I can do it!

Memories Are Hard to Erase

What a coincident, when I was driving to the theatre, my brother was driving infront of me (I thought that license plate looked familiar). We parked near each other too so I ran to them to say hi. =) We weren't watching the same movie though haha! 

Haven't seen a movie for years. Went to watch "A Dog's Purpose". It was such a good movie. It made me tear like 3 times. I thought I was crazy but this girl behind me was like actually crying... I thought the ending was very good. Fate will bring 2 people back together. I also liked the last few lines from the doggie. =) "What is the purpose of life". "Life is a mystery".

Anyways, been watching this Korean drama called "The Legend of the Blue Sea". It's a funny yet sad drama. The lines and the OST (original soundtrack) in this drama reminds me of a lot of stuff. Not sure if that's good or bad? Not gonna talk about the drama, you can look that up yourself. =) How I wish such mermaid do exist because "mermaids only erase memories that they want to erase". I wish the mermaid can help me erase part of my memories just by shaking my hand... If you know me, I do have a pretty good memory. Friends always ask me how do I remember all these stuff from years ago? I don't know, just do?

I don't know if I'm stupid or what. From time to time that person pops up in my mind. Why am I still thinking of that person? After what that person have done to me I'm still giving myself excuse that that person was true and a good person... Honestly, I actually don't know that person well enough to say anything. I'm just saying how I feel and what I think. Don't get mad at me please.

I just don't understand why that person didn't give us a chance. A chance to know each other more in person. A chance to see if it really won't work out after that day... I didn't know it could die that fast... I didn't say anything to hang on that day because I know once it starts dying it's hard to get it back... I guess this game is too hard for me to play? =(

That day, I did message that person by accident! Then I asked that person something, I honestly wanted to ask something unrelated to us but that person didn't reply (never expected that person to) and did all that to me... =( (I know it sounds confusing but only that person and I will know) Is it a bit too much? Why do you have to be so cruel?

Oh well, "命裡有時終須有, 命裡無時莫強求。" If it's meant to be, it will. If it's not meant to be... don't force it.

I guess I'll need time to heal...just like my booboo from yesterday. =( I don't think I can ever get rid of those memories until I'm an old lady...

My Boring Story Continues

Long time no type my boring stories. LOTS of stuff happened for the past years but I guess I didn't feel like typing? All of a sudden I feel like blogging again. Maybe because so much things happened recently and I don't know how to get it all out?

Updates on the major event...
I didn't tell much people about this because I don't think it's something that is cool to share about to everyone (not like anyone cares) but whatever.

Three years ago, after I graduated and came back from my "14 flights in 6 weeks" vacation I realized something was wrong with me. Not going into details but I found out I was very ill. I still remember that day...going to see the doctor and got super scared, cold, and shaky. When I called Daddy to pick me up, I broke down crying at the market (that's how scared I was), I told Daddy what happened. I was so scared I'll die, scared to leave my family, scared that my family will worry about me, and scared that I'll be a burden to them (I didn't say those to Daddy). I was pretty positive back then because I know I have never done anything horrible in life, don't think they will take my life this early? I'm not a super nice person but I think I'm a nice enough person...?

I remember I had to go through different tests and get poked here and there. I was not scared for the surgery because all I wanted is to get that thing outta my body and see my family. It was a painful journey but I know mine wasn't as bad as some other bad disease. I'm not sure how I got sick, I guess I'm just unlucky (as always). Doctors don't even know why it happened, they said I don't drink, smoke or do anything bad...

During that time I realized who my true friends were (only the ones I have told). I still remember one classmate who texted me and asked me to buy tea from her for her project. I didn't tell her details but I told her I'm in the hospital right now... She just kept asking me to buy tea... Like are you feeling ok? Obviously, we don't talk anymore now.

BIG thanks to my family for being there for me (Sorry to make you all worry). <3 No matter how painful or scared I was I didn't show it infront of them and just put that smile on my face. I wanna say thank you to the ones that cared and asked how I was. A special thanks to nurse Kan (Vie) for going to some tests with me, and stabbing me with blood thinner for 2 weeks or so after I got outta the hospital. <3 Without you, I don't know what to do with that blood thinner... Like seriously, the hospital nurse told me to stab myself with blood thinner, are you crazy? I can't even stab someone, how can I stab myself? Looking at that needle is scary enough YO!

I'm thankful that I'm alright now and hopefully I won't get sick ever again. 

So whatever happened in the past month or so is not as painful as the above but it honestly hurts A LOT! BTW, Happy Valentine's Day! I thought I would have a happy val day this year...it was all a dream... A dream that didn't seem real from the beginning because I'm always unlucky... =( 

"無情地贈我傷痕 長留在此."(not direct translate) A scar is a scar, it will be there forever.

Like I said before, you always give me unhappy memories in life. The best things you gave me are a great family and a bunch of great friends that are always there for me. Thank you for the tough times! It made me stronger! I'll try to stay strong when I know I'm not that strong...

Thank you for the rose! I feel loved! =)