I WAS Lost

I wanted to post about my feelings. Not like he will ever read it but just wanted to say how I feel. 

I was lost, I thought everything was going well but something seems different. I got this creepy feeling and then no feeling at all. He still sounds nice but he didn't ask about me at all and ended the conversation without saying anything. It's not like him... He also ignored my message. I didn't ask about it and decided not to anymore. I think I just scared him away? 

I thought he was ok at one point but there were factors to consider which may not work in the long run. He was giving me mixed feelings and I also don't really know where I stand in his life... If he was interested I would have given it a try. I was stupid with "that person" once, I'm not gonna be stupid again for the second time with someone else. I'm not gonna die without a guy.

I know we were pretty much strangers and don't know everything about each other and don't know what we are really like. I'm not sure what went wrong but if it's not meant to be, it's not. Honestly, I was hurt but it's better to know earlier than later right?

I honestly thought maybe, just maybe, this is it (which girl doesn't think about this every time). I didn't want to have any expectations but sometimes it's hard not to... I guess it's true, it's too good to be true. How can there be such a nice guy (not nice anymore...). When was "天" ever nice to me and give me something good? But "天" is definitely giving me some good experiences here.

Friends asked if I'm gonna regret not asking him out to make things clear. I was going crazy for a day but I realized why do I have to do this to myself? He isn't the only guy in this world. If he was that interested, he wouldn't ignore me and he would keep fighting but he didn't. If I want people to treat me well, treat myself well first. If he can do this to me now, he can do this to me anytime in the future. I'm stupid but I'm not THAT stupid. At one point I did want to message but I don't see a point when he has moved on to searching someone new.

To him - I know you said you are nice and people take advantage of it but I'm not that type of person. If people are nice to me I can feel it and I'll be nice back. Not sure if this is one reason but I thought of it and it made me sad because I'm not like that. 

If this is the end, I do want to say thank you for giving me such a happy dream. A dream that I've always wanted but can't have and can't keep. I truly appreciate what you have done for me. I appreciate all the time and effort that you have put into every event. I appreciate you for spending my birthday with me. You are super nice and super gentlemen. I'm not sure how many guys out there are like you nowadays. It was a pleasure to meet and know you. I hope you will find that someone special soon and I hope I will too. =) I hope I will find someone as nice as you were but someone that will stay forever and not run. No hate. Best of luck!

Typed Feb. 5.

Out of the blu, when I was totally over it I heard this song while driving home. I was actually really happy when I heard it. The right things will come at the right time, yes this song. =) The rapping part was the best LOL! I love this song!
劉浩龍 Wilfred Lau (ft. MastaMic) -《走》
"錯了也相信總有誰補救
漸漸皺眉頭
無聊無常亦接受
用盡力量也不夠
走
天空海闊有出口
太抑壓要逃走
將心鎖上也會生鏽
世界已騙你太久
無人可擁有
唯有不用愁
前事放身後
向著快樂繼續走
甘心被過去折磨 開過花唔代表一定會結果 (rap starts)
愛過痛過笑過喊過 對與錯 剎那花火
回憶只係枷鎖 過咗去 就當上咗一課
拎得起 放得低 何必苦苦執迷
就算一直放不低 但要走嘅始終留不低
既然盟誓已經隨風而逝 
無謂任由過去指揮 不如期待更美好嘅下一位 
係時候放手 係時候放自己走 
係時候放開所有 係時候走向自由
哪個說愛會永久"