"I’m Dying But I Want to Be in Love"

Yes, I cried like crazy typing this...

When I saw the title "I’m Dying But I Want to Be in Love" I'm like hm...sounds like me. No, I'm not dying (you will still have to read my boring stories for a long long time) but when I was sick few years ago. Back then I didn't think about any guys, no-one caught my attention plus I made a promise. I think my family and sickness was enough for me to think of. No time for guys.

I understand how she feels. Still young and haven't completed much in her life like other normal people. It's like me, how I said "天" can take my life after 88 years old or older when I'm done everything that I want to do in life. However, life is unfair and doesn't go the way we want it to. "天" can take our lives any time it wants. It's not something we can control.

Who doesn't want to leave this world with no regrets? Who doesn't want to find someone they love and that person loves them too? Who doesn't want to grow old and live happily? Who doesn't want someone special by their side when they leave this world?

The girl said "I want to believe there’s someone out there who I could not only open up to about my health but who would accept and love me in spite of it". That's something I always have on my mind too. Will anyone accept the fact that I was sick before? That damn scar that would never go away? Something that will never be a part of me anymore? Plus this new abnormal heart rhythm crap that the doctor said it sounds fine during my last check up but I'm not 100% sure. I always ask did I do something wrong and "天" wants to torture me? I'm not a great person but I don't think I'm that horrible... I guess it's true, nice people die faster... Time to be a b****?

She also said "But that feels like a fairy tale...I would be wracked with guilt at the idea of even asking someone to get pulled into this terrifying, morbid mess. So, Polly, do I keep chasing the fairy tale? Do I give up entirely?". I thought of that too, being a burden and make someone go through "pain" with me. I'm not saying I'll get sick again but then life is uncertain. Anything can happen at any time.

I guess I'm not alone.

And I want to say one thing to her. Yes, I believe you will find that person who will accept every good and bad thing about you. Someone that will stay by your side until the last day. If you don't, it's ok. You still have other people by your side and you should be happy that you were in love at least once. They may not be the best relationships but better than nothing. Not everyone in this world gets that chance. Have a little faith although I know it seems impossible. =)

Out of the blue, just felt like throwing this Christmas song on here. I hear this song at the mall and at work, pretty much everywhere every single year. Then my friend reminded me that it sounds like us. 
Wham! - Last Christmas 
My version
"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day next week you gave threw it away"
Do you recognize me?

Well, it's been a year 2 months
It doesn't surprise me (If that day ever happens again, it doesn't surprise me either, I didn't recognize him last time until after a bit LOL!)

With a note long a** message saying, "I love you, " my deep feelings I meant it (all)
Now, I know what a fool I've been

A crowded room, friends coworkers and chef with tired eyes 

I'm (not) hiding from you, and your soul of ice
My god, I thought you were someone to rely on (but you are not)

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart" 

For her, because I somewhat had someone last year and she has someone this year.

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special" (hopefully this would happen to me next year. Life is short, it's about time to throw myself out there like there is no tomorrow. Let the networking begin!)